'I'm house sitting for a friend and she’s mad another friend stopped by. AITA?' UPDATED

"I'm house sitting for a friend and she’s mad about THIS? AITA?"

I’m so confused. I’m staying at my friends house for the week and I’m watching her dog and house (for FREE I might add!). She just freaked out at me because another friend came by real quick to pick up some food I got him. (She saw him leave on her cameras).

I feel like her reaction is extreme and inappropriate considering I’m going out of my way to help her this week when I didn’t have to. Am I wrong? I don’t even know how to respond to this. (Text exchange copied below)

Her: Uhh, did some guy just walk out the door? The cameras showed someone leaving the front yard.

Me: Yes! Sorry that was [friend], I brought him BBQ and was too tired to drive it to him so he picked it up

Her: Ok, I don't appreciate randos at my house. Please don't do that without telling me.

Me: He’s not a rando! He’s one of my best and closest friends for like 7 years now. He literally just picked up his food and was left after 5 minutes of chatting. I wouldn’t invite someone dangerous or random or threatening to your house ever!

Her: I don't care. I've never met him and I don't want strangers to me in my house without my knowledge.

People quickly jumped on with their hot takes.

Fresh_Caramel8148 wrote:

If she trusts you to watch her house and dog, this is a weird reaction. If I were you - this would be the last favor i do like this for her.

OP responded:

This is what I thought! And she also knows of this particular friend that dropped by but she’s just never met him. It feels like she doesn’t trust ME or my judgement.

Acrucialconjunction wrote:

I would feel uncomfortable if someone I didn’t know was in my space without my knowledge. I think the friend handled it poorly, but also don’t invite people into other people’s houses without permission (this is basic etiquette).

Delilalbelle2605 wrote:

NTA. If I trust you with my house and dog I trust you to allow someone to pick something up. You’re not throwing a raging party. You’re doing her a huge favour FOR FREE. If she is that paranoid she should have let you know her rules first so you could decide if you wanted to follow them or not. Not be snarky about a BouDaRy she never communicated. This would be the last favour I ever did for her.

OP responded:

This is exactly how I feel! ?

Shelltrice wrote:

It is interesting how both reactions are represented here. I think a lot depends on how well you know your friend you are housesitting. If this was a good friend of mine I would think she would have more trust in me - and perhaps just ask about a visitor on her camera - you say yes friend of mine.

I can also see why you might be worried you just saw a person leaving your house when you are not home.

Mostly I think you could both communicate better and perhaps re think pet sitting in the future. ESH.

OP responded:

Good question! We’re literally lifelong friends haha. We’ve in our 30s now and we met in 2nd grade. Sometimes we joke we’re more like sisters at this point than friends. So this is part of what bothers me. Like she doesn’t trust ME or my judgment. If we were just acquaintances I could see how she’d be more skeptical of me and my friends (that she doesn’t know) but that’s not the case.

Kenobi-Kryce wrote:

I think you are taking her personal boundary of no strangers in her home as a slight against you and it just isn't. It's about what she is comfortable with in her space.

OP responded:

I think you’re right. I appreciate that perspective!

Senior_Parking6306 wrote:

Soft YTA. Sometimes people have real reasons to have extreme reactions to strangers in their private spaces without their consent that you may be unaware of (and they are not obligated to tell you why as it likely involves trauma of some kind) and it is common courtesy to ask consent before bringing anyone into someone’s home regardless of you doing them a favor or not.

Your friend should have made that boundary clear prior to the ask, but it doesn’t matter if they are paying you, it’s their house. It was innocent enough, but when you responded that you knew them so it was fine, you ran all over their rights to make decisions about their home and who comes in it. That’s where you ran off the rails.

After receiving some feedback, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: Your responses really helped me see this differently from several different perspectives! I agree that I was taking her boundary a little personally. BUT! I also think she could have been nicer about communicating it with me. Nonetheless I decided to apologize, here’s what I said:

Me: I’m really sorry I didn’t let you know about [friend]. I should have just walked the food out to the street for him to protect your space. You have a different boundary/preference than I do about my home so that’s why I didn’t think about it from your perspective. But I am sorry and it won’t happen again!

The internet was glad to hear it resolved.

acantthisittapale105 wrote:

Your friend set a valid boundary. He’s your friend, and you know he’s not threatening - but he’s not her friend and from her perspective there’s really no reason why he wouldn’t be. The fact that you’re doing it for free is nice but doesn’t give you a free pass to ignore boundaries. Try and stick to that rule for the rest of your time housesitting.

Lighthouseonsaturn wrote:

YTA. It would have been fine to meet him at the door and give him the food. Iinviting him in was inappropriate. Even if your watching her house, for free, it's rude to invite other people over. Even just for a few minutes. I've watched tons of houses,and have a friend that I trust to watch my own house. You don't invite others over. Plain and simple.

Tryingmybestlifeat2 wrote:

I guess I'm in the minority but NTA. So you can't order Doordash while you're there or pizza delivery? Your friend came over for 5 minutes. I'm sorry, but you're house sitting for a week for free, I think she needs to chill. But I'm a pretty easy going person, so if it was my house, it wouldn't be a big deal to me.

Fernfrosted wrote:

While it’s her house and she gets to set the rules, her reaction seems a bit much. It’s understandable that she’d want to know who’s coming and going, but calling your close friend a “rando” and flipping out like that feels disrespectful, especially since you’re house sitting for free.

You were trying to be helpful, and a simple conversation about her comfort level would have been a better approach on her end. Your apology was gracious, even though she could have handled it better herself.