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'WIBTA if I didn't show up to my brother's wedding because I'm in love with his fiancé, is it worse because I'm the MOH?'

'WIBTA if I didn't show up to my brother's wedding because I'm in love with his fiancé, is it worse because I'm the MOH?'


I don't want to go to my brother's wedding because I'm in love with the women he's marrying.

ThrowawaySadsmaid writes:

My (28F) brother (31M) is getting married in a few weeks to my best friend since childhood (27F). They've been together for a few years now, and of course my best friend wants me to be her MOH.

They've known each other for a long time, since she was always hanging out at my house, but I didn't know they were close until I came home from grad school and found out they'd been dating. I thought they'd have their fun for a minute, then break up, and we'd all laugh about it someday. It's clearly no longer the plan.

Because here's my problem: I'm in love with her. I've been since before I really knew what being in love was. For me, the sun doesn't rise in the morning before I talk to her. She's the light of my life.

She doesn't know I feel this way, or if she does then there's a reason she didn't say anything. I know she's straight (she knows I'm not) and I always expected to stand at her side one day while she got married to a man. I've accepted that.

I know she loves me, even if it's not the exact way I love her. As long as she's in my life, I'm happy. But this isn't just some guy I can politely ignore and forget about, it's my brother.

If you're wondering, yes, he knows how I've always felt about her. We never sat down and spoke about it, but he's not an idiot and hears when I talk about her.

He's always been awkward mentioning their relationship around me, and extra much so when he pulled me aside a few months back to tell me he was proposing. I was hoping the feeling of betrayal would fade away with time but if I'm being honest, it hasn't.

Still, I know he makes her happy, and she makes him happy too, so I've done my best to power through all their conjugal bliss so far, but the upcoming wedding has just made it worse and worse. It would be bad enough as a guest, but they want me to stand next to them, to make a speech about what they both mean to me, to hand them the rings.

All the while, my best friend has been gushing about how happy she is, how she can't wait to be his wife and have children with him, every tiny little thing he does for her, and I can't help but feel that I was really just one chromosome away from being in his place. I feel like the Little Mermaid, walking barefoot on glass and unable to say anything about it.

I don't think I have the strength to be in that wedding. I'm already miserable. I've always been the fun one, but I just don't have it in me anymore. I can't just stand down now either, she wouldn't understand, and I'd have to explain, which could only lead to a world of hurt.

I don't want to ruin this for them. She's still my best friend, and he's still my brother. So Reddit, WIBTA if I just faked being sick or something on the day of and ditched the wedding?

Here is the best advice OP got:

That_Spread243 says:

YTA (You're the a%@^ole). Either go and suck it up or say out right now you won't be going, to ditch on the day is such a huge AH move.

KikiMadeCrazy says:

YTA to yourself. Let’s be honest. You will never have a chance with her, she is marring your brother so it’s better you work now on putting aside your feelings and learn to see them together. Otherwise you will pass a life time of fake sickness to avoid every single family event.

You agree also to be part of the wedding and fake a sickness the day of, to avoid it, is childish and will put them in a pickle. If you don’t want speak up now clearly.

-Nightopian- says:

YTA. You know you can never be with her because of your orientation. That is a fact that you are failing to accept. You need to accept reality. Seek therapy if you need help.

You should be happy for them, not miserable because of your jealousy. Be happy that the two people you care about are in good hands with each other.

You were asked to play a major role in their wedding. Dropping out would ruin their wedding. We're not just talking about your friend here. This is your brother's wedding too. You have to live the rest of your life with him in it so don't sabotage your relationship just because you're jealous of him.

lostrandomdude says:

I have a question to ask. Do you actually think your brother knows how you feel. Speaking as a guy, we don't pick up on these things unless someone outright tells us.

What do you think? Would OP be wrong to just not show up?

Sources: Reddit
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