'AITA for calling out my family for only caring about kids if they're twins? They ignore me."
"AITA for telling my family it's not my fault I'm not a twin?"
My parents struggled to have kids and underwent fertility treatments to conceive my siblings, resulting in two sets of non-identical boy/girl twins who look nearly identical. The older twins are Max and Amy, and the younger twins are Jace and Lacy. Our family has always been obsessed with the fact that two sets of twins were born to the same parents and that, despite being opposite sexes, they could pass as identical.
Birthdays, Christmas, school plays, sports games, report cards, graduations—everything was a huge deal and celebrated as this amazing phenomenon. My siblings had countless parties thrown for them and endless reasons to receive gifts—it was insane.
I was born six years after Jace and Lacy, and my family hasn’t hidden their disappointment in having a singleton. My birthdays were never a big deal, and I didn’t receive the same attention for Christmas, report cards, sports games, or school plays. For my siblings, the whole family would try to show up and support them, while I was lucky if even one parent attended any of my events. My report cards were never celebrated either.
I’m not particularly close to my siblings. They don’t notice me much, and they enjoy the attention so much that it’s easy for me to slip through the cracks. But even our parents don’t put the same amount of effort or attention into me.
A weekend ago, my graduation came up in conversation. My siblings can’t attend due to work or college obligations, and the rest of the family basically said, Well, I guess we don’t need to plan around your graduation then. I told them I’d still like everyone there, and they responded that I didn’t need anyone there.
When I asked why my siblings had such big celebrations, they said it was a huge deal because they were twins—especially being two sets born to the same parents who could pass as identical. That’s what was worth celebrating, they said.
I told my family it’s not my fault I wasn’t a twin, and I didn’t understand why I was being overlooked. My grandpa said that at 17, I shouldn’t be jealous of the attention other kids get and, as a boy, I shouldn’t get caught up in that kind of stuff.
I replied that even teenage guys want to feel like they matter. My family said I was being unreasonable. One of my aunts accused me of gaslighting the family, while my grandma, parents, and a couple of other aunts and uncles said I was emotionally manipulating them. Now they want me to apologize to everyone for saying it’s not my fault I’m not a twin—because, according to them, nobody ever said it was. AITA?
OP responded to some comments in the post:
CAAugirl says:
Hey kid, this internet auntie is proud of you for everything you’ve done. It’s hard and upsetting right now, but you’re showing more courage and strength than they can imagine.Soon, you’ll be heading to college, and that’s where the rubber meets the road. The hardest part about family is realizing that sometimes, they’re not Family.
Family loves you, cares about you, encourages you, supports you, and takes care of you. Relatives are people who share your DNA and lineage. They are not the same. Also, NTA.
OP responded:
That sure is hard. Especially when you always hear about how important families are and stuff. It's not even just from my family I hear that but in general and yet I know I'm not as important to them. I'm kinda like a forgotten part of the family because most of the time I'm so easy to overlook. I have friends who notice me way more.
Zealousideal_Fail946 says:
You have a horrible family. Move out as fast as you can and go NC with them. Who justifies ignoring a child? Once your siblings start having children - guess who gets to be the free babysitter because "...it's family" garbage.
Do you have a part time job? I would plan on taking a trip on the night of your graduation. Graduate. Get in an Uber and fly somewhere with a warm sandy beach. Leave the worthless people behind. Update us. I mean - my god - who tells their son that they are planning to ignore him on his graduation and he has to deal with it?
OP responded:
Yep. I started working when I was 15. I love my job too. My bosses are cool and the customers aren't all that bad most of the time.