'AITA for not adding the affair partner's birthday as a custody swap day?'
"AITA for not adding the affair partner's birthday as a custody swap day?"
I (27M) have two kids, ages 4 and 3, with my ex-wife (26F). She cheated on me and is now married to her affair partner (35M). In the custody agreement, our birthdays are considered custody swap days.
If I have the kids on my ex’s birthday, she gets them. If she has them on mine, I get them. The swap days are our birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and close family weddings and funerals. Otherwise, she gets the kids for seven days and I get them for seven days.
Any other swap days we add are at our discretion and will not be added to a court order. This includes if we later have more kids with other people, stepparents, or step-relative weddings and funerals.
My ex and her affair partner want his birthday to be a swap day. They argue it is only fair because he will be their second dad and the kids will not remember a time without him. She even argued that it would be petty on my part to reject his birthday as a swap day.
I rejected it. I told her he was not getting his birthday and that my mind was made up. The affair partner told me I must be a bad dad to deny the kids his birthday, and I told him that if that makes me a bad dad, it definitely makes him a bad stepdad to be the other person in their parents’ marriage and the person who helped end their family.
My ex formally wrote out the request to add the day after I said no verbally. I wrote out my rejection again. My attorney has noted both her request and my rejection, and he told me I will be fine. He did have to write to my ex’s attorney, who requested that we reconsider because they would start a parental alienation case against me if I did not reconsider
My attorney’s response was that they should be careful as well because we have evidence that they have tried to buy me off and get me to drop out of my kids’ lives and let the affair partner adopt them. Things were silent after this, but my ex brought it up during an exchange and told me I am selfish for not adding her affair partner’s birthday to the swap list. Am I in the wrong here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Numerous_Author9553 says:
NTA. He's not their second father. He's their stepfather. And his birthday is not the type of holiday that requires their participation. Sounds like your ex and her husband have a lot of audacity. You did nothing wrong.
Greyhound89 says:
Kills me how people who have affairs that end marriages are so quick to want to brush the consequences under the rug. Like now that they have the life they want everyone else is an asshole if they don’t line up behind their vision of how it should be. Don’t give an inch, OP. NTA.
Worldly-Grade5439 says:
That's some level of chutzpah from both the ex and affair partner. I can't believe they asked this with a straight face. Definitely NTA.
bettyy90210 says:
NTA. Your ex and her affair partner are though. When the kids finally come to learn how their parent’s marriage ended, they themselves would not want to spend the AP’s birthday with him.