"AITA for not allowing my ex-maid of honor be a bridesmaid?"
"AITA for not allowing my ex-maid of honor be a bridesmaid?"
My fiancé (M33) and I (F29) are getting married in September 2026. Our friends, Stan (M34) and Zoe (F33), just got married on May 25. We asked Stan and Zoe to be our Best Man and Maid of Honor, and they both said yes.
In June, my Maid of Honor called and said she couldn’t continue in the role due to some health issues. She explained that she needed to avoid stress and wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle both wedding planning and her medical bills.
I told her that if she still wanted to be involved as a bridesmaid, she should let me know. On August 7, I asked my sister to be my new Maid of Honor. At the end of August, I checked in with Zoe. She responded, “The procedure went well. I’m still waiting on the official results, but the nurse said things looked good, so I’m optimistic.”
I didn’t hear anything after that, and I finalized my last bridesmaid in September. On November 4, Stan and Zoe reached out asking if Zoe was still a bridesmaid. I said, “I already have my bridal party. We wanted you to take a break for your health. You’re more than invited to all the events so you can just have fun and not worry about planning.”
Zoe replied, “While I appreciate you considering my health, I’m extremely hurt that you couldn’t just text me. I don’t even know how to process our relationship. I would have never done this to you.”
My fiancé suggested that the four of us meet up in person to talk about it. We live in the same neighborhood and pass their house every morning when we walk our dog, so it seemed easy enough.
But Stan argued that they preferred to talk over the phone. Finally, Stan messaged, “You don’t see just how hurt Zoe and I are by all of this. We’ve decided to cut ties with both of you.” We haven’t spoken since. Am I wrong here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lihzee says:
INFO - did you not care about how Zoe's health stuff was going? You didn't check on her for months? Seems like an odd way to treat someone, especially someone you supposedly care about enough to have originally made your MOH.
No-Stage-8738 says:
YTA for not checking up on a close friend going through major health issues whose house you pass every day when you walk the dog.
MrsGoldenSnitch says:
YTA. Who needs enemies when they have a “best friend” like you?
Charming-Bit-3416 says:
NTA. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because you already suggested the most rational option which is to meet up and talk through a very simple misunderstanding. She opted out of the role for very valid reasons. I personally would also operate from the stance of letting her tell me when she was ready versus harassing her for an answer while she's recuperating.