'AITA for not being part of my dad's wedding since he moved on from my dead mom?'
"AITA for saying no to being a bridesmaid in my dad's wedding?"
Distinct_Tooth7549 writes:
My dad is getting married in a couple of months. He’s been with his fiancée for the past eight years, and they have three kids together. My dad also has me (16F) and my brother (15M) from his marriage to our mom, who died nine years ago.
Quick background: Mom had a heart attack in her sleep and died young. She was only 32. Dad started dating again six months later and met his fiancée around 13 months after Mom died. We had met some of his other dates in between.
His fiancée moved in with us three months after they started dating because she got pregnant, and they’ve had two more kids since then. They got engaged in January and decided to have a quick wedding.
To be honest, I’ve only ever tolerated my dad’s fiancée. I don’t love her. I don’t consider her my stepmom, and I honestly don’t care if she’s around or not. My relationship with my dad is awful. My brother feels the same way. We both feel like our dad moved on from mom way too fast and expected us to just deal with it on our own.
He acted like we were supposed to be excited about some new woman and a baby suddenly being in our lives. When we weren’t, he became distant and started pushing us toward his fiancée, like he was trying to force something. He also cut off a lot of people, including friends and our mom’s side of the family, years ago.
It was decided without me or my brother that we would be part of the wedding party. I was told I would be a bridesmaid, and my brother would be some kind of male bridesmaid, whatever that’s called. We both said no. My dad asked why, and I told him that maybe I’d do it if it was just for him, but I’m not standing up there for his fiancée.
She looked hurt and said she thought we loved her and were excited for her to officially become our mom. I told her that wasn’t true, especially since she’s not adopting us. She said she would if we were open to it, and I said no.
I told her she’s not my mom, and I don’t even consider her family. I asked her why I would replace my mom with her. She said it’s because my mom is dead and can’t be our mom anymore.
My dad told me I don’t get a say in this. I told him he can’t make me stand up there during the wedding, and it’s going to look worse if he tries. He said I should do it for him. I told him that I already tolerate all of this for his sake, but I won’t go that far. My brother told them he felt the same way. Now they’re saying I’m ruining the wedding and acting like a brat who just wants everything her way. AITA?
People responded to OP's post.
SelenePriveof07 says:
NTA. Girl you lost your mom and never got time to grieve properly before your dad was already bringing new women around. Now they’re mad cause you won’t play happy family for a wedding? That’s wild. You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re not a brat you’re hurt, and no one seems to care.
IlyraShade says:
NTA. Your dad had years to nurture a real bond between you and his fiancée. Instead, he forced it and is now shocked you’re not thrilled to be her bridesmaid? This is the consequence of his choices, not yours. And grief is not something that you could put a deadline at.
Unusual-Molasses5633 says:
NTA. This man didn't even wait a YEAR before replacing his wife/your mother and he has the audacity to expect you to put on a happy face at his wedding? You are 100% not a brat, you are entitled to have (very reasonable!) boundaries. Also, speaking as someone who adores her stepmom: nobody can replace your mom and the fact that your stepmom actually said that shows just how clueless she is.
buttpickles99 says:
NTA - your dad is very selfish. Couldn’t even wait a year before banging his way to a new family.