'AITA for not being jealous of my partner and how much my grandkids like him?'
"AITA for not being jealous of my partner?"
I cannot believe I am actually having to ask this, but the woman involved spends a lot of time on the internet and will only admit to being wrong if the internet says she is. First a bit of background. My partner and I have known each other for a long time and we were a couple 12 years ago, but my mental health was not great at the time.
As brilliant and supportive as he was, it was taking a toll on both our relationship and his friendships. We both knew we loved each other, but we also knew we needed more than just love. Eventually we agreed to part ways so I could focus on improving my mental health.
While we knew we were going to get back together, we both agreed that we could see other people if we wanted, as we were both adults and had needs. One of his relationships resulted in a baby girl who became his world.
Two years ago, I reached out and we started dating again. In that time he introduced me to his daughter, now six, and I introduced him to my two children, who were teenagers the last time we were together and are now adults, as well as my three grandchildren from my daughter.
We have been lucky that none of the kids or grandkids have had any problems with our new blended family. I was even surprised by how accepting my children's dads have been of my partner. Since my daughter's father has remarried, the grandchildren refer to me and my ex as nanny and grandpa. His wife is nanny name and my partner is grandpa name.
Now onto the actual question. Last weekend it was my middle grandchild's birthday. My daughter's bathroom sprang a leak the day before the party, so I agreed at the last minute to host.
Aside from myself, my partner, and my stepdaughter, the guests included my daughter, my son in law, my grandchildren, my daughter's father and stepmother, several of my granddaughter's friends, and some of their parents. Everyone enjoyed the party.
As the party was beginning to wind down, one of the mothers of my granddaughter's friends (who I will refer to as Karen) asked my granddaughter who her favorite grandparent was. My granddaughter replied that it was grandpa name. When she was asked why, she responded, "He gives the best hugs." Karen then felt the need to rush over and tell me this, which resulted in the following conversation:
Me: "Well of course she would say that. His hugs are amazing. How exactly can I compete with that?" I pointed at my partner, who was sitting on the floor letting the kids "dye" his beard with eye shadow. We keep cheap eye shadow palettes for this reason, since they are less damaging to his beard than felt tips. He learned this the hard way.
Karen (looking horrified): "You should be upset that your granddaughter does not like you best. You gave her a magnificent birthday party." Me: "You mean this party that my daughter planned, organized, and prepared, and that I just hosted at the last minute."
Karen: "It does not matter who does the organization, it matters who hosts. Why are you not jealous of that man being beloved by your granddaughter?" She pointed at my partner, who was now being given a full makeover.
Me: "Because he loves my grandkids as if they were his own." Once she realized I was not going to back down from not being jealous, Karen decided to complain to my daughter about how arrogant I am.
My daughter did not know about the conversation at this point, but I can be very arrogant. She just responded, "Yes she is, but you get used to it. She is harmless as long as you are not being offensive, but I will speak to her about it later."
I went over to check on the makeover and suggested putting a flavored lip gloss on him. When everyone had left, my daughter and I spoke about Karen and I relayed the conversation.
Yesterday, my daughter confronted her at school pickup and loudly asked, "Did you really ask an adopted woman why she was not jealous of a man willing to be an adoptive grandfather?"
Karen stammered and claimed she thought it was the stepmother who was adopted, but then doubled down on her convictions. Another parent "overheard" and suggested we post everything on the internet, since Karen is obsessed with a YouTuber who reads out internet posts.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
nonchalantenigma says:
Definitely NTA. Karen is the AH hands down and in many ways: Tattling to get a kid in trouble for loving Grandpa and his hugs the best. Thinking the owner of the party location (hosting) is more important than the person who did all the leg work to make the party happen (organizer). Having a negative bias against adoption. Thinking lack of jealousy on your part is "arrogance." Unable to admit she was wrong.
theFCCgavemeHPV says:
Karen is not very intelligent and clearly a drama monster. What kind of bored pathetic loser tries to make one grandparent jealous of another? Seriously? Get a hobby, Karen.
Worth-Season3645 says:
Karen of course is the TA. Who is she to tell others, in their own home, how they should behave, act or feel? My grandchildren have blended families and I am grateful they have many grandparents who love them. Biological or not.
Sweet_Boss573 says:
You are NTA, of course! My late sister used to feel me out about my daughter's MIL (Sis had a VERY contentious relationship with her MIL, and truthfully, I had a few skirmishes with mine, as well). But I firmly believe there is more than enough love to go around to be able to happily share my beautiful grandbabies with the other grandma.