"AITA for refusing to cook for my family’s Christmas event?"
I (15f) really like baking and cooking. Most of the time, I am making everyone little treats to try, or I am cooking dinner for my family from our background, and it is sort of one of my love languages.
Often, I bring food to family events because my aunts and uncles are busy all the time and have little time to make food before they host parties and things. Because I am not working yet, I have more time to make all this fun stuff.
On Christmas, we typically open presents at home and then all have lunch and/or dinner at someone’s house. This year, my mom said we would not all be together. I was a bit upset but thought, alright, that is fine with me.
Then my aunt called me and asked if I had thought about what food I was making for Christmas night. I asked what she meant, and she told me she was having a party and my mom promised I would make food for everyone.
I did not really have a problem with that, as I love cooking and it was early notice. I said, “Oh, I will get ready at this time, and then I will have time to make the food.” She asked why I would be getting ready.
She said it was an “adult” party, but when I asked for more information, she mentioned cousins my age were going. I was kind of upset and asked why I was the only one not going. She said my mom thinks I am just not mature enough for a late party. I told her it honestly sounded like an excuse, and then I hung up.
I went to my mom, and she did not see a problem with me not going. I told her there was no way I was putting effort into that if I was being excluded. I started crying at that point, which made my mom angry. She said I was being selfish and acting like a child.
I kept pressing for a proper reason, but my mom kept saying, “I do not want you going, and I am your mother, so that is that.” My tone was very rude by this point because I was on the verge of tears. My mom said that if I did not make the food, they would have to order food and I would inconvenience everyone.
I said, “Then order it,” and ended the conversation. I called my dad, and he said he would come down to where I live and we could drive up to his place for Christmas so I could be with family that wants me there. So even if I wanted to help now, I would be a two hour drive away.
Basically, they have no food plans for the party now. I suggested local chicken shops that do delivery, or even buying frozen food from the shops, but they are saying they do not want to do that. While they did not want me there, I know everyone was counting on me for food.
From their perspective, I am saying no and being selfish because I want to spend Christmas with my dad. I usually try to see both sides, but this is really difficult because I am biased and my feelings are hurt, so an outside perspective would be nice.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Ingwall-Koldun says:
NTA. You are old enough to cook for the party, but not old enough to actually go to the party? That's not how it works. Who does your family think you are, Cinderella?
lostlonelyl0ver says:
NTA If they think that you’re such a child, why are they treating you like a caterer?
Barsk-Brunkage says:
Your mom voluntold your cooking - that is NOT ok. And is really disrespectful of you. Nobody gets to make that choice on your behalf.
ugh_idfk says:
NTA. If you're not "mature enough" to attend, then certainly you're not "mature enough" to make the food. Honestly, I think it's wrong that they would expect you to make food (unpaid I'm sure) for an event that you're prohibited from attending.
What do you think?