'AITA for refusing to comply with my friend's NYE tradition?'
"AITA for refusing to comply with my friend's NYE tradition?"
My (23F) best friend has a friend group from high school. Most of them live abroad and only come back a few times a year. I (24F) like them a lot. As a group, they have one issue. They tend to be unreliable with plans, often backing out at the last minute or disregarding scheduling responsibilities.
They have a tradition of celebrating New Year’s Eve together every year. Last year my friend hosted it, since the group failed to book a spot, and she was very upset that it was just the two of us doing all the work of hosting, cooking, and cleaning.
This year, after many plans fell through and my friend said she was sick of trying to schedule everything, I offered that the two of us, together with my mom, go to a small villa in the mountains. It was booked through my mom’s job, so it was a bit of an ordeal. This was three months ago, and my friend happily agreed.
A month after that, she told me that the group had decided to celebrate in the same village where the villa was located. I was happy and offered that we hang out on the days they were there and that we all go skiing.
At this point we had not booked the villa, and I assured my friend that if she felt like backing out and celebrating with the friend group instead, I would not be upset. I would not be able to join them because I would not leave my mom alone, and she explicitly said she did not want to sit in a restaurant all night.
My friend said she would be spending the holiday with us. A few weeks later, my mom proposed that we invite my friend’s mom and sister as well. My friend agreed, and my mom paid for the villa.
Recently, my friend texted me saying, and I quote, “I have decided to spend New Year’s Eve, only the celebration, with my friends. I asked my mom and she said it was okay with her.” I was shocked. I asked her where she was planning to have her mom and sister go, and she said they would be staying with us. I like them, but my mom and them are not friends.
I explained to my friend that I was unhappy with the situation and that I felt as if she traded me in. She assured me that was not the case, since we would be spending the rest of the days together. I feel that she would actually be spending the rest of the time with the high school friend group.
She told me that she invited them to come to the village, and I would be joining them, even though I am the one hosting her. I explained this, and she answered that she would feel miserable knowing they would be in the same city and she would not be celebrating with them. She said she agreed to invite her mom and sister so that my mom and I would not be lonely.
I decided to call off our plans so she could go and celebrate with the friend group together, and she seemed happy with that outcome. She apologized and said she did not realize she would be so sad about it sooner, but also said I was inflexible for not agreeing to leave my mom with her mom and sister and go with her. Now she will not even look at me. We have not spoken since. Am I in the wrong here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
owls_and_cardinals says:
NTA. Time for new friends. There really isn't much more to say. This is really manipulative and strange of her, and immature to boot. It's wildly inappropriate for her to hand off her mom and sister to keep you guys company, anyone with two brain cells would see why that is super rude and ungracious towards you and your mom as hosts.
I really hope you've called the whole thing off, you aren't on the hook to host members of her family when she herself is ditching you to go hang out with the other flakes (meaning, flaky planners).
KittenExtravaganza says:
NTA. This is your best friend?? I don’t like how she complained to you about the group and then buckled to the group. That’s some pick me behavior and ultimately no one, even the friend group, will respect someone with little self esteem.
JCannaday3 says:
What a clueless and selfish egotist. She is no friend. Cancelling plans was the only thing you could have done given these circumstances.
HamBoneZippy says:
NTA but you you're trying to plan and organize stuff when you know notoriously flakey people are involved who love to be spontaneous and it's the most wild day of the year. You should've seen SOMETHING like this was going to happen. It was a recipe for trouble.