'AITA for saying no to being friends with my deadbeat mom's stepdaughter?'
"AITA for saying no to being friends with my deadbeat mother's stepdaughter?"
SomeView8418 writes:
My mother divorced my dad when my brother and I (both 16) were a few months old. She never came to see us, never called, didn't pay child support like she was supposed to, and wanted nothing to do with us.
It took a long time to accept that. We had a lot of therapy. Our dad would always assure us that it was never about us and it wasn't something that was wrong with us, because we felt like it was. He made sure we could ask him any questions, and he did his best to answer without adding to the issues we had.
Our mother's family saw us though, and they included us as much as they could. They told me once that Mom would be back someday and we could try to have a relationship then. I told them for the first time three years ago that I didn't want that, and it wouldn't matter if she ever changed her mind, because I wouldn't let her play pretend mom or want her in my life. I thought they accepted that too.
Last year, our mother moved back to town with her husband and his daughter. My brother and I backed away from her side of the family because they included her, and we didn't want to see or be around her and her new family.
We were invited to come meet them, and we were told her stepdaughter wanted to know us, but we chose not to. After talking with our mother's family, we decided less contact was needed because they all expected us to act like our mother didn't leave us, and that she still wasn't avoiding any and all responsibility for us.
Dad took her back to court after she moved here for the child support she skipped out on, and our mother finally had a job again where they could take it from her paycheck. She was angry about that and yelled at our dad in court, and we could hear it.
A few days after court, his car got smashed up pretty badly, but the security cameras where it happened were broken at the time. We could never prove it was her, but it seems like a pretty huge coincidence.
We reduced contact with our mother's family even more after that because they didn't like the fact Dad blamed her and we blamed her. And they were pushing this reconciliation stuff more.
A few months ago, my mother's stepdaughter approached my brother and me and asked if we could be friends. She said our mother's family had told her all about us, and since we were family, we might as well be friends.
We told her we didn't want to be friends and we didn't see her as our family either. She was like, "That's okay," but she kept asking and asking, and before summer break she was so upset that she called our grandmother. Our grandmother came to the school and yelled at us for rejecting her friendship so many times.
She even called our dad to yell at him about it. He hung up on her and told us that if she ever yells at us again like that, we should walk away and get as far from her as we can. Which we'll do if it happens.
But after all this, my mother's stepdaughter found my socials and tried to follow me, but mine is set to where I need to accept her, and I rejected it. She tried again, and I left it without accepting or declining. I know she's not my mother, so I know this might make me the TA. I just really don't want to get to know her or play into the weird family idea. AITA?
Here are comments from readers of OP's post.
Brief-Wrap-403 says:
NTA. You have every right to set boundaries with people, especially when it comes to protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
lalanena3equalsmcs says:
You don’t owe anybody a relationship or friendship, if you don’t want to speak to someone you shouldn’t even have to explain- it’s your life and your mental health should be your priority, and a normal person would respect that. You shouldn’t have to worry about interactions you didn’t ask for.
Adelucas says:
NTA. You kept a relationship with your maternal side, but they are pushing the wrong narrative. Your mom is a dead beat, and nothing she has done since has shown any different. I'm sure your step-sister has been told all kinds of lies putting your mom in a good light, but you have never met the girl and have no interest in her at all. She needs to accept that.
Curious_Exam_4636 says:
Tell her straight up. I have nothing against you I just do not care to know you. You are apart of the women who birthed us life and I do not wish to know or entertain her or any relationship involving her. Good luck!