'AITA for canceling my trip home for X-mas because my sister is dating my ex-best friend?'

"AITA if I (21M) cancel going home for Christmas at the last minute because my sister is now dating my former best friend"

AITAxmasxfriend writes:

I (21M) had a best friend, Gavin (also 21M), through middle and high school. During senior year of high school, there was tension between Gavin, the rest of our friend group, and myself, but we kept hanging out together, probably out of habit.

During the summer before college, Gavin and I got into an argument in front of everyone, where he said that everyone found me annoying, thought I was an a%$#ole, and that they enjoyed it better when I wasn't around. I think there was probably a lot of truth in what he said. Looking back, I think I had become not the nicest person.

Everyone agreed with Gavin, at least tacitly by not disagreeing with him, and I don't think you get five guys to agree you're an a*%^ole without a pretty large element of it being true. That fight was pretty much the last time I spoke with anyone in that friend group.

I left for college shortly after and purposefully changed my number so no one had it. I think I'm a nicer, more mature person now—great group of friends around me, a wonderful girlfriend, so life is good.

My younger sister, Nicole, has attended the same college as Gavin for the past two years. Nicole called me on Friday to tell me that she and Gavin have actually been dating since January and that he was going to be staying at our house for Christmas.

I have learned that my parents and other siblings have known about Nicole dating Gavin since before summer and that he stayed at our house the week I went away with my girlfriend's family this summer. Apparently, my dad told Nicole that if Gavin was staying for Christmas, she had to tell me before I came home—which I am thankful for.

Here's the thing: knowing that Gavin is going to be there, and that my whole family has lied by omission to me for months, has made me not want to go home. I'm not demanding Nicole and Gavin break up (and fully realize I would have no right to do that).

Truthfully, I don't even think I have a problem with them dating (although I do have an issue that Nicole, my parents, my other sisters, and especially my brother lied to me). The thing is, I just do not want to spend Christmas dealing with this.

It's been a stressful semester; I don't want to walk on eggshells during my brief time off from school, nor do I want serious conversations or heart-to-hearts with Gavin right now. I want to do nothing this break and enjoy it.

I'm considering driving to my girlfriend's house tomorrow instead of home. Christmas is a very big deal in my family, but I feel like they've made it awkward, and I just want peace. I've already said that I don't have a problem with Gavin being there, so he's already at the house. It's too late to ask that he not be there, and honestly, it was probably always going to be too awkward to make that request anyway.

Christmas would have been the first time I've seen my family in person since the middle of July. WIBTA if I cancel last minute and go spend Christmas with my girlfriend instead?

Here are the top rated comments from readers and folks feel split.

TheFishermansWife22 says:

YTA. Entirely. No one lied to you. Also you are the only drama. Let them enjoy their Christmas.

lmmontes says:

I don't blame you on this one, particularly because they lied to you AND he's staying there. At some point you can't avoid things but you get a pass this time. You are also an adult, you will eventually spend the holidays elsewhere here and there. NTA.

CapitalInstance4315 says:

YTA. You had a falling out with your friend group, and now your sister is dating one of them. IMO, it sounds like you're more afraid of seeing someone you had an argument with in the past that viewed you unfavorably than you are upset about the possibility that your family kept secrets from you. You're fine with her dating Gavin, but so upset about the fact they hid it from you, you're willing to cut contact? I don't get it.

No one wanted to tell you your sister was dating a friend that insulted you. Up to you if you want to let bygones be bygones. But, be honest with yourself. Are you still upset about Gavin's insults? Or are you really upset about the omission of truth? If you're able to put it in the past, this holiday could be a great way to clear the air of any unresolved issues with Gavin and your previous friend group.

PicklesMcpickle says:

NTA- behavior is a valid form of communication. Your family has already indicated how they feel. You deserve time to process. Because you are very right, a lie by omission is still a lie. During the holidays is not the time to process this. There's time later.

Communicate to your family that what your sister does with her life is her choice, you don't have any control over it. But their decision not to include you in family information hurts. And you're not ready to talk to them. And you wish them a Merry Christmas.

What do you think?