'AITA for not wanting to go to a BBQ with my husband after giving birth 6 weeks ago?'
"AITA my husband wants to go to a BBQ despite us having a screaming 6 week old"
AdvantageLarge9045 writes:
Gave birth six weeks ago and it’s been rough. Recovering from an emergency C-section, plus they think I may have a liver or pancreas issue as I keep being unwell. My mental health has also taken a dive, let alone the challenges of newborn care!
Anyway, my newborn is screaming for anything from 2–4 hours every night. I’m trying everything to soothe and help her, as it’s most likely colic. So far, no meds or methods have changed her behavior.
We also have a 6-year-old who has very different needs. While the 6-week-old screams, the 6-year-old needs a bath, bedtime story, etc. We’ve been tag-teaming this — one parent with one child — to make sure both are okay. But it’s still been unbelievably hard on all of us.
His guy friends invited him to a BBQ tonight and it would literally be him leaving just as the 6-week-old kicks off. So I said please don’t go. I need help at that time. Keep in mind, his friends meet regularly and it’s not like if he doesn’t go today, that’s it for the year.
He kicked off, saying, “Babies cry, just cope, I’m going.” I tried to point out that I know babies cry, but it’s not about coping. I felt it was really selfish that he was choosing his friends over his family. I even said if it were any other time, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
He’s gone back to work and I’m coping with that — it’s just literally that time of night that’s tricky. He kept saying that I was being “controlling” by not letting him see his friends. It turned into a really bad moment for us, and I was devastated to be called controlling. I really don’t think that’s what I’m trying to do. He just couldn’t see it from my point of view.
The next day he apologized, said he was completely wrong, could see how bad things would be if he went, and said he wouldn’t go. Fast forward to today — he tells me he’s going, and if I can’t cope, he’ll take the baby and drop her off at his mum’s.
His mum isn’t close by, doesn’t know all the things we are trying colic-wise like the meds, etc., and would have to deal with a screaming baby. Also, my baby doesn’t know her and is only 6 weeks old, so overall not a good solution.
He also knows things are a bit tricky between me and his mum, so I feel like this was a bit manipulative on his part. By letting his mum help, she’d find out I’m not coping, and because I would never want her to know I’m finding it tough and I’m unwell, I’d have to back down and say, “OK then, fine, go, I’ll stay.”
He knows I’d never pick his mum as an option but can now say he’s found a solution where he can go. I feel like I’m going crazy here. I just want some support from my partner at the time of day it’s most difficult with our baby!
Here are some of the best comments to OP.
carmabound says:
NTA - Tell him to take the six-year-old to his mum instead.
wanderingstorm says:
NTA. "You are welcome to attend your BBQ tonight. Tomorrow night, you will stay home with baby and child while I go out and have my break." - I can guarantee he won't agree to that.
Competitive-Proof410 says:
NTA - you're approaching the worst bit for infant crying. He needs to be supporting you.
LemurTrash says:
NTA. The comment “babies cry just cope” would have him sleeping in his mother’s house if he was my husband.