Appropriate_Food5858 writes:
So I (F22) have an older sister (F28). She has four kids, loves being a mom, and wants to be a stay-at-home mom. I encourage her to do whatever she wants. She understands that I have no desire to be a mom right now, if ever. I have two other older sisters who are like me and don’t want to be stay-at-home mothers. (This is important in the story.)
Her boyfriend (M27) is mad at me because he asked me when I’m going to settle down and said he could introduce me to his friend (M25), who wants a stay-at-home wife. I told him no, that I don’t want to date anyone this year, and he got mad at me for some reason and asked why.
I told him my ex-boyfriend left me with trust issues (my ex cheated on me six months into a three-year relationship). He told me we broke up in 2023 and said I should start getting back out there. I told him it’s not his business, and he dropped it.
But two days ago, he asked me if I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. I told him no, that I don’t, and that I’m not even sure if I want kids, let alone to be married. He got defensive since his mom was a stay-at-home wife and mom.
I told him I don’t see anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, but I personally don’t want to depend on a man for anything. Once again, he got defensive and said not all men are the same.
I told him he was correct, but again, not all women want the same thing. He said my sister wants to be a stay-at-home wife and mom, and I told him congratulations on finding that with my sister, but I, again, don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom.
He got mad because he overheard my conversation about me getting an IUD and told me I’m ruining God’s plan to make me a mom one day. I told him whether I want kids or not is not his business.
He got mad at me and told me to get out of his home, so I did. My older sister is asking me to apologize to him. She also told me I should reconsider being a stay-at-home mom/wife. I told her not everyone has that dream. She accused me of not respecting stay-at-home mothers/wives, which is nothing but lies.
My two other older sisters are on my side and said my sister’s boyfriend shouldn’t be so concerned with how I live my life. They also said that if I don’t want to depend on anyone for the rest of my life, that’s my choice.
He also said I’m going to hell for my beliefs and identity. Now their friends are calling me an a$%@ole, saying that he only cares about what I do with my body since it’s God’s body and I should respect it and become a mom soon. So, am I the a%$@ole for telling my sister’s boyfriend it’s not his business if I don’t want to be a stay-at-home wife/mom?
I get asked this question a lot about why I was discussing getting an IUD with my sister’s boyfriend. I wasn’t discussing it with him. My three sisters and I were discussing it at his house, but he wasn’t there.
He walked in when I said I was thinking of getting an IUD, and that’s when he butted into the conversation. As soon as he said, “God’s body, not my body,” my two other sisters and I started talking to him about it. He raised his voice, so I raised mine, and we eventually left since I don’t like conflict at all.
Natural_Inevitable50 says:
This guys sounds like a creep, who is he to dictate what you do with your life, your career, and your body? I hope your sister knows about this and supports you. NTA.
OP responded:
My sister who is with him wholeheartedly supports him and that I should be a stay at home. She wants me to apologize to keep the dam peace but I told her I’m done keeping the peace.
leftmysoulthere74 says:
This guy has four kids with your sister and they are apparently living some sort of “traditional” life that involves a lot of god stuff, yet he’s her boyfriend, not her husband? OP, start switching the focus back to him/them - “So when exactly are you two going to get married, huh?”
OP responded:
3 out of 4 of my sister's kids aren’t even his. He is the stepfather. She is pregnant with his baby though about to give birth at the end of this month. They got together last year. And he’s been giving me the creeps since then we even tried to talk some sense into my sister about him but she doesn’t see it so we just let her do her own thing.
I already knew I was going to go no contact with her boyfriend (as I don't feel safe around him), but I went ahead and called my sister to tell her and explain why I chose no contact with him. She is now super mad at me, saying I overreacted and all that fun stuff.
I asked her if they were going to apologize, and she said they don’t owe me an apology—I owe him an apology. He overheard us on the phone and, once again, got involved in the conversation. I told him I have nothing to say to him. He told me he wanted answers to two of his questions:
Why I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. I told him it’s none of his business and to stay in his lane. Why I don’t want to date/marry his friend. I told him that his friend isn’t my type and never will be, and to not talk to me again.
He told me that if I don’t stop overreacting, I won’t have anything to do with my nephews and niece. That, not going to lie, got to me. I told him that, for my mental health, I’m done dealing with him or talking to him. My sister said, “Okay, you made your choice, and we’ll make ours.” So now I’m no contact with both of them.
I also found out that my dad found out about this ordeal yesterday, and this morning, after I was on the phone with them, he went and yelled at Josh, telling him to back off and that his daughter wasn’t for sale or anything like that. They got into a fistfight, and apparently, my dad won (though I’m not totally sure about that).
My dad called me and apologized, then asked me personally why I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mother. I told him the reason, which had to do with him and my stepmom. He apologized, saying he never meant to do that to her. He wasn't a great partner and their relationship was abusive.
So I decided to cut off my sister and her boyfriend, which sucked because I won’t be able to see my niece and nephews anymore. But my mental health and physical health are more important to me, to be honest.