'AITA for not forgiving my parents for abandoning me because they want to sleep?'
"AITA for not wanting to forgive my parents who used to be amazing, because of one mistake they made in the past?"
Child_NC_Parents writes:
Growing up, my parents were amazing—very attentive and caring to me and my siblings. Except for one thing: they always kept their phones on “Do Not Disturb” from 10:00 pm to 7:00 am. They told us it was because they valued their free time and sleep and didn’t want to be disturbed during the night.
At first, that was okay—until I was in a situation where I really needed their help. Around three years ago, when I was 18, I got a job as a server, where I worked until 1:00 am and was expected to drive myself home.
However, one night, I got into a car accident after work and was injured badly enough that I’ll never fully recover. I now have life-long injuries and am considered “disabled.” I was hoping that, just this once, my parents would answer.
I was scared and wanted someone close to me to be there. But, as expected, my call automatically went to voicemail, and they never picked up. That night, I also called other family members to ask them to contact my parents or come be with me.
The only ones who came to see me right away were my grandparents, who also tried to call my parents, but couldn’t reach them either. It wasn’t until around 7:00 am the next day that my parents finally heard what had happened to me.
By then, I felt it was too late because they hadn’t responded when I needed them. By the time my parents arrived at the hospital, I was already out of surgery and awake. I never really felt their support because my grandparents had been there for me from the start.
Since then, I haven’t been able to think of my parents as “amazing” anymore, and I haven’t been able to forgive them for making me feel abandoned, even if I knew they wouldn’t pick up the phone in the middle of the night because they’d told me so beforehand.
Afterward, I grew distant and refused to let them do anything with me, like taking me to physical therapy or doctor’s appointments. I only wanted my grandparents’ help. Last month, after recovering enough to find a new job that accommodates my disabilities, I saved up and finally moved out of my parents’ house and went no-contact with them.
Both my parents and grandparents seem to have an issue with this; they say I’m being too harsh. My parents have profusely apologized and promised to keep their phones available at all times. I know they’ve kept this promise, as my siblings have called them in the middle of the night, and my parents now answer the phone, even if it’s past 10:00 pm.
However, I feel like I can never forgive them for that one event. And while I feel bad for making my grandparents sad by not wanting to forgive my parents, I just can’t bring myself to do so after they made me feel so abandoned. What do you think? AITA?
Here are the top rated comments:
gooderj says:
As a parent, I just don’t understand this. My phone goes on to “do not disturb” at 11pm. It allows calls through from my wife, kids and a few of my very close friends. For everyone else, all they have to do is call me twice and it’ll get through. I have gotten up at 3 AM to go fetch a cousin whose boyfriend was drunk. I would definitely be available 24/7 for my wife and kids.
Soggy_Boss_6136 says:
NTA. However, you have some trauma here. I think it's worth discussing the grudge with a qualified therapist. You want to accomplish 2 things: exorcise the anger and abandonment you feel and felt, but also re-learn to accept your parents as fallible humans that they are.
flyingdemoncat says:
So their kid was working till 1 am and they could peacefully sleep not knowing if they made it home okay. Not even being available for emergencies?! Besides this horrible accident there are so many other things that could have gone wrong.
It just seems irresponsible not to be available after 10pm. What if you went to a party and needed help? Or a customer wouldn't leave you alone and threaten you? I am glad that they have learned but I wouldn't trust them anytime soon either.
Forsaken-Willow-8625 says:
DND calls come through if there are calls from the same number 3 times or more... Everyone can tweak these to accommodate emergencies.Your parents have older parents, and children, any of whom could have an emergency.
I don't understand this completely blanked out DND. No, NTA Take your time, and come to terms with what happened. Do understand, for your sake at least, that what happened was not deliberate