NathalieCupcake_ writes:
I'm in a tough spot and could really use some outside perspectives. My brother is getting married next month, and originally, my whole family was invited, including my 7-year-old son, Alex, who has autism.
Alex can sometimes be loud and energetic, but he's a sweet kid and generally manages well at public events with some accommodations, which we've always handled discreetly.
A week ago, my brot her called me, out of the blue, and explained that his fiancée’s family is worried about having a child who might be disruptive at the ceremony. He said it would mean a lot to him and his fiancée if Alex didn’t attend. Instead of discussing it with me, they decided unilaterally. He assured me that everyone else, including other children, was still welcome.
I was stunned and hurt. I tried to assure him that we would take all necessary steps to minimize any disruptions, including sitting at the back and stepping out if Alex became too much to handle. Despite this, my brother stood firm.
Feeling backed into a corner, I told him that if my son isn’t welcome, then neither am I. Now, my parents and other family members are saying I’m overreacting and that I should not miss the wedding over this.
They're pressuring me to just go and leave Alex with a sitter. I feel like attending would be endorsing their discriminatory attitude toward my son. So, AITA for refusing to attend my brother's wedding after he made it clear my son isn't welcome because of his autism?
perfectpomelo3 says:
INFO: would Alex cause a disruption during the ceremony? You saying that you would try to “minimize” the disruption and step out if he became too much to deal with makes it sound like he is likely to cause a disruption. People generally want NO disruptions during their wedding ceremony, not just someone minimizing the disruptions.
Altruistic_Ladder_19 says:
Here's my view. Brother and fiance can say Alex is not welcome. They have that right, but at the same time, OP has the right to refuse to attend if his child is excluded. The brother and the rest of the family can not turn around and declare OP is ruining things when he is just abiding by their decision. They can't have it both ways, exclude a child but demand that parent attend to save face.
danny6199 says:
"Loud and energetic but sweat" means that he probably do have disruptive tantrums. I understand your point of view, but more your brother's fiance's view. NAH.
Personal_Pause8711 says:
INFO: Are you 100% sure your son won't disrupt the wedding? You said that he "generally manages well," which doesn’t seem super promising. I get why you’re feeling hurt that your son is being excluded, but do you really think he even wants to come?
Weddings can be overwhelming and cause meltdowns, even for neurotypical kids. I’m glad you’re sticking up for your son, but I really can’t blame your brother for not wanting to worry about a 7-year-old who doesn’t even really want to be there interrupting one of the most important days of his life.