'AITA for stop helping my sister financially because she is pregnant again?'
"AITA for stop helping my sister financially because she is pregnant again?"
I (F, 35) live with my husband (M, 38) in Canada. We've tried for a baby for many years, but after spending so much money on IVF and enduring the emotional roller coaster of miscarriages, we decided to live child-free and enjoy our lives. We both went to great universities and have great jobs.
My younger sister got pregnant at 15, and then again with twins at 17. The kids' father and she broke up when the twins were 2. She then met another guy and had 2 babies over 3 years. It was an abusive relationship, so she ended it.
Now, she's with her current boyfriend, who had 2 kids, and they decided to have 2 more together. I've always felt bad for my nieces and nephews, so I buy them gifts, clothes, school supplies, and help my sister financially every month. My parents provide her with full-time care as well.
She just announced she's pregnant again. I told her that I'm done supporting her because I can't be responsible for her decisions for the rest of my life. Both she and my family are calling me heartless for deciding to cut the financial support.
My sister said, "When you're old and in some nursing home, who is going to visit you? No one! You have no kids, and my kids will remember how cruel and selfish you were. Enjoy your trips while my kids are suffering." My husband thinks I'm doing the right thing, but I feel like an AH. Would appreciate any advice or perspective on this situation. Thank you!
P.S.: Her source of income is the universal child tax benefit, which is about $500 for each child per month, and child support she receives. Her boyfriend is in and out of jobs all the time.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Beneficial_Test_5917 says:
Give her one last gift: a box of co^%oms.
bodaciousbobs say
So she's got 7 kids with another on the way? She's going to be on $4k per month in benefits. I'd have stopped helping her years ago if I were you. NTA.
Throwawayduhhh says:
NTA at all. Her kids and life choices are not your responsibility!!? If she cant afford 7 kids, she shouldn't have 7 kids. Please do not listen to people who say you are a failure because you can't have kids.
OP responded:
Yes! And her boyfriend has 2 who come over every other week.
NTA. You're not responsible for your sister's life choices. It was very nice of you to help her out when she was still very young with her first children but tbh... Their reaction to your decision shows, that she took your help for granted.
And just because you chose a different life path & have more income, does not mean you have to give everything to your sister. Would be the same as for your parents. You don't owe anyone anything just because you share genes.
That’s the thing ! Both her and my parents make me feel guilty all the time. They tell me “you had it easy! She didn’t “. I worked two jobs all through college so I could graduate with zero debt. We can afford trips and activities because we work. We never asked for a cent when we were doing ivf... it’s such a bad feeling when they guilt trip you.