'AITA for not inviting my Mom to Christmas lunch after my SIL invited her?'
"AITA for not inviting my Mom to Christmas lunch?"
My (33F) parents split when I was 9 years old, and my mom (60F) voluntarily gave up majority custody to my dad even though she had 50/50. She had us every second Christmas (my siblings and me, 33F and 36M) and would only take us to spite Dad, but we never really celebrated with her. Dad, on the other hand, always made it a big celebration.
By the time we were in our late teens, she gave up Christmas altogether and wouldn’t even compromise by celebrating with us on Christmas Eve, despite us asking her to. She would spend it with her best friend (60F) and her daughter (22F), who she refers to as her daughter more often than she refers to us.
Fast forward to now, I have a daughter (1F) and have decided to host Christmas at my house this year for Dad, my stepmom, and my siblings (the usual family). My sister-in-law (39F) doesn’t like my dad for various reasons and “accidentally” invited Mom to our Christmas lunch, which has started some drama.
She feels it would be nice for Mom to celebrate with her granddaughter. I shut that idea down by inviting Mom to see my daughter on Christmas Eve instead. If Mom came to Christmas, it would be awkward for the whole family because she and Dad are both immature, and it wouldn’t be a comfortable environment.
Honestly, it would ruin the atmosphere, which Mom tends to do at family gatherings whether Dad is there or not. Also, I don’t feel she’s entitled to spend Christmas Day with my daughter as a grandmother when she refused to celebrate it with me for nearly 25 years.
Mom seems upset that she’s not invited, and my sister-in-law thinks it’s no big deal and that we should just include her. My partner said I might seem like the bad guy from my sister-in-law’s point of view, but my sister fully supports my decision. Am I the jerk for standing firm on not inviting Mom for Christmas lunch?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
live-fast-eat-trash says:
NTA. But you need to have a strong talk with your SIL about acceptable behavior regarding your child.
SnooJokes5955 says:
Your SIL needs to mind her own business. It was rude and disrespectful for her to invite your mother to your house for Christmas. If she wants to have her MIL visit, then tell her to host a separate lunch at her house! It's your house and you are hosting it, which means you get to decide who is on the guest list!
Familiar_Shock_1542 says:
NTA. SIL is a big one, however. Who does she think she is, taking over YOUR Christmas plans at YOUR home?
LuigiMPLS says:
NTA. Keep the invite to your brother open but let him know the invite for SIL has been rescinded. He's welcome to come without her if he wants, but she's explicitly persona non grata after not respecting your boundaries. If your brother doesn't come, that's on him. Don't waste time for people who don't respect your peace.