'AITA for not inviting my old best friend to my wedding because he's a cheater?'
"AITA for not inviting my old best friend to my wedding?"
liteliya2 writes:
I (28F) am getting married soon, and while making my guest list I ran into a dilemma about my former best friend, let’s call him Patrick (30M). Patrick and I were close friends for about 5 years, but we fell out badly a couple of years ago.
To keep it short: Patrick cheated on his then-fiancée (now wife). I was one of the only people he told, and when I said he should come clean to her and take responsibility, he blew up at me. He turned it back on me, verbally abused me, and after that fight, I cut off contact.
We live in different cities and haven’t spoken since. But we still share a wider friend group. Everyone’s kind of scattered now, but I invited all of them to my wedding except Patrick. Recently, some of those friends were texting about my wedding, excited that it will be like a reunion, and they realized Patrick was not on the list.
One of them (who actually worked with Patrick and knows about the cheating firsthand) asked me why. He told me Patrick is still cheating with the same woman from before and now it is worse.
Patrick recently got her promoted at work, they are on the same team, and they even go on business trips together. His wife still has no clue. This friend suggested I should just invite Patrick anyway so it does not look like I am bitter, since his cheating is “his personal problem” and he probably would not come.
Here is my issue: I do not want Patrick at my wedding because I do not want cheaters in my life, especially ones who are still actively lying to their spouses. I do not see the point of reaching out as a formality when I do not even want him as a friend anymore. At the same time, I am worried it will look strange to our mutual friends that I invited everyone except him. So, AITA?
Here what people had to say to OP:
EmphaticallyWrong says:
NTA. “I didn’t invite him because I don’t consider him a close friend.” No further explanation needed. If they push and you feel like you have to give more details: “I don’t agree with some of his life choices and I don’t want him to think that I am supportive of them.”
Secretslothsociety says:
NTA. If mutual friends ask, simply say "Patrick and I are no longer close, and we're choosing to invite the people we're closest to." That's it.
readergirl35 says:
I'd say his cheating isn't really any of your business any more if you aren't friends. The reason he's not invited is he was verbally abusive and the friendship ended. You don't invite people you dislike to your wedding. If your friend group wants to get together with him they can, just not at an event you host.
diminishingpatience says:
NTA. If you don't want him at your wedding that's enough. What someone else thinks about how it may or may not look is irrelevant.