'AITA for not leaving my apartment for a day because of my roommate's conservative mom?'
AITA for refusing to leave my apartment for a day because of my Muslim roommate’s conservative mom?"
waynekinnaird writes:
So, I (23M) live in a college apartment with two roommates, both of whom are women, and one of them is Muslim (let's call her Sana). We all get along pretty well and have lived together for over a year with no issues.
Yesterday, Sana told us her mom was visiting for the upcoming weekend. For context, her mom is very conservative and religious, and apparently does not approve of her daughter living with male roommates.
Awkward, because I exist. As a result, Sana asked if I could leave the apartment entirely for the day her mom was visiting. That meant being out the whole day and even finding somewhere else to sleep overnight.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that because I had a major assignment due, and I focus best when I am working from home. I also did not want to pack up all my things and go stay somewhere else just to keep up appearances for someone I do not even know. Additionally, I pay equal rent and felt like I had a right to be in the apartment.
Still, to try and compromise, I offered to stay in my room the entire day and be quiet, not coming out at all, on the condition that I could at least come out quickly to make lunch or dinner. Alternatively, they could bring food to my room so I would not go hungry. I genuinely thought that was fair and respectful.
But Sana was not happy with that and insisted I should be out of the apartment entirely. She said her mom would “freak out” if she found out a guy lived there and it would cause a lot of drama in her family. I said that while I understood her position, I was not going to leave my own home, especially with a big deadline hanging over me.
She is still upset and being pretty cold toward me now, and she also vented to our other roommate, who stayed neutral and said she saw both sides. I really was not trying to be difficult or disrespectful.
I understand her cultural situation, but I also feel like it is unfair to expect someone to completely vacate their home just to accommodate someone else’s family’s beliefs, especially when I tried to find a middle ground. So, AITA?
OP added some extra context.
Sana never chose to have male roommates, but it just so happened that she was practically pushed out of her old apartment (all female) because of a conflict with another girl, and this was her last resort.
Also, I am disheartened to see so much hate in the comments, and it has made me realize I need to be kinder and more understanding toward Sana and her situation. This was never meant to start a debate in the comments, and I urge everyone to have more empathy and humanity.
I will also be going home and asking a friend if I can stay over for a day. For everyone concerned that if I let it slide now, it will happen again and again, I will speak to Sana about this properly and encourage her to talk to her mom.
Thank you to all the level-headed and empathetic commenters who helped me understand her perspective better. I do care for her greatly and never want to hurt her if I can help it. One day is not the end of the world, and if it helps her, I have realized I would be happy to do it.
Here are some of the responses to OP.
Peaches47474 says:
Tell Sana that if she pays for a hotel room, food delivery, and any extra costs you will be happy to move out for a day.
Briiiiiiyonce says:
NTA. She moved in with a man knowing this would most likely happen. She should have moved in with all women then. Either she can put her big girl pants on and face the music with her mom or she can move out.
Live_Pressure_5432 says:
NTA. Sana chose to live with you and should have anticipated that someday her mom would visit or otherwise figure out her living situation. It’s up to her to resolve this, and it is horribly unfair to expect you to vanish from your own home for a day and a night.
HungryTeap0t says:
NTA. She shouldn't have moved in with a man if she knew this was going to be an issue. Sana can get a hotel and recommend staying there because her roommates have assignments or something.
What do you think?