'AITA for refusing to let my fiancé’s son walk me down the aisle to show we're family now?'
"AITA for refusing to let my fiancé’s adult son walk me down the aisle?"
TendToNinaaa writes:
I (31F) am getting married to my fiancé (36M) this fall. We have been together for about four years. He has a son who is 18 from a previous relationship. I met him when he was 14. We are friendly but not close. He calls me by my first name, and we have a polite relationship, but I am not a second mom to him or anything like that.
My dad passed away when I was 22. We were extremely close, and losing him was really hard on me. Ever since I got engaged, I knew I either wanted to walk myself down the aisle or have my uncle do it, who has been like a second father to me.
A few weeks ago, my fiancé brought up the idea of his son walking me down the aisle. He said it would be symbolic, a way of showing that we are officially becoming one family, and that it would mean a lot to his son.
I was honestly shocked because it had never crossed my mind. I told him right away that I was not comfortable with that. It felt forced and weird to me. I respect his son, but it would not feel genuine to have him in a role that means so much to me and is connected to my dad.
Apparently, he had already mentioned the idea to his son and got his hopes up. When I said no, it hurt his feelings. My fiancé told me I should reconsider for the sake of blending the family. I told him I was sorry his son felt hurt, but that it was unfair to expect me to rewrite such a personal moment for appearances.
We ended up arguing, and I will admit, I said something too harsh. I said I was not going to have someone who is basically a placeholder for my dad walk me down the aisle. I immediately regretted the wording, but the damage was done.
Now my fiancé’s family is furious with me. His son is not speaking to me. My fiancé thinks I should apologize and reconsider. My mom said she understands my feelings but that I could have said it more gently.
I feel like I am being pressured to fake a perfect family dynamic for everyone else’s comfort, and it feels so wrong. But I also feel awful for hurting his son’s feelings. AITA for how I handled this?
OP responded to some comments.
Dull_Professor9082 says:
It’s your wedding, not some family performance. You deserve to have that moment feel real, not staged for everyone else’s feelings.
OP responded:
That’s exactly how I feel. I just want my wedding day to feel honest and true to me, not like I’m putting on a show for everyone else.
2dogslife says:
Usually the son would be best man. Any discussion of the sone walking the bride would be moot. If not the best man, he should at least be a groomsman. This ALL should have been hashed out before it was presented to the son. NTA.
OP responded:
Yeah, I really wish we had talked it through before he said anything to his son. It put everyone in such an awkward spot. Honestly I think being a groomsman or best man would have been way more natural and still made him feel important without all this pressure.