'AITA for refusing to loan my sister money again unless she signs a contract?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to loan my sister money again unless she signs something this time?"
No_Smoke_6844 writes:
So here’s the deal. I have loaned my older sister money a few times over the past few years. Nothing huge, usually a few hundred here, maybe a thousand once, but it’s added up. And she’s never really paid me back.
Sometimes she’ll send like $50 randomly, but she always has an excuse. Lost her job, bad breakup, car trouble, whatever. I never made a big deal out of it. She’s my sister, I love her, and I know she’s had a rough few years. But recently she asked me again, this time for $2,000 to help cover rent because her roommate bailed and she doesn’t want to lose her apartment.
And honestly, I snapped a little. I told her I could help, but only if she signs a basic agreement this time saying she’ll pay it back within a year. Nothing legal or crazy, just something written down with a timeline. She got super offended.
Said I’m treating her like some random borrower, not family. That she would never screw me over (even though she kind of already has) and that it’s embarrassing I don’t trust her. I told her this isn’t about trust, it’s about boundaries.
I’m not a bank. And I’ve already helped a lot without seeing anything come back. I also reminded her I’m not exactly rich. I’m just better at budgeting and don’t live paycheck to paycheck like she does.
Now my parents are involved, and of course they’re telling me to just let it go, that family helps family. But I’m just tired of being the fallback plan with no accountability. So yeah, I’m willing to help if she agrees to put it in writing. AITAH for that?
OP posted an update a day later:
So I did talk to my sister again. I told her calmly that I wasn’t trying to humiliate her or make her feel small. I just needed some accountability this time. I even offered to write it with her, nothing formal or intimidating. She still wasn’t having it.
Said if I really loved her, I wouldn’t need a contract. I told her love doesn’t mean ignoring patterns and that boundaries are a form of love. It got tense again. She left the conversation upset, and then later that night I got a text from my mom basically saying I was tearing the family apart over a piece of paper. My dad’s staying out of it, but I can feel the silent pressure from everyone to be the bigger person, like always.
So yeah, I didn’t send the money. I still haven’t. And honestly? I’m not sure I will this time. I’ve bailed her out more times than I can count. This was never about the $2,000. It was about finally drawing a line. I hate that it’s come to this. I don’t feel great about it. But I also don’t feel like the bad guy anymore.
OP responded to some of the comments on the update.
Bolha2 says:
Don't. She's trying to gaslight you, and coming at you with "really loving her" is way below the belt. She just wants free money. You're not her bank. Mommy can go give her free money if she feels like it's a sign of love and it's "tearing the family apart".
OP responded:
Yeah, I think she's really making me feel guilty.
carmelfan says:
NTA. Mom can give (not loan) her the money.
OP responded:
I highly doubt they could do that.
What do you think?