'AITA for refusing to make my home wheelchair accessible for my brother?'
"AITA for refusing to make my home wheelchair accessible for my brother?"
My brother has been in a wheelchair since he was little. He's 36 now. He is amazing. He is a Paralympian. He competes in triathlons. He is all around independent. Whenever he comes to see me I put him up in a hotel. It's great because my children are terrible.
They run around screaming like banshees. They leave their stuff everywhere. My wife and I spend half our free time chasing them down or cleaning up after them. And we love them completely. They are kids that's how they are at that age. So he gets to see them only at they best behavior when we have threatened or bribed them into it when we get together outside our home.
Our parents are still consumed with guilt because of how my brother became paralyzed. They have dedicated themselves to his comfort. Their house is completely wheelchair accessible and they have a guest room with an accessible bathroom. My brother hasn't lived at home since he transferred colleges Junior year to get away from them. They are very good parents. Just overbearing regarding his situation.
Recently my folks came for a visit. They brought a bunch of information about making our house accessible. Including information about grants and stuff. I pointed out that I only see my brother twice a year in my city.
He is always working, traveling, training, or competing. I have traveled to see him compete. My family has traveled to watch him compete. We support him a lot. But I'm not going to make permanent changes to my house and living arrangements he doesn't need. My parents are upset. They think I need to be more supportive. I think their guilt has made them delusional. I think that's all the information. Please ask if you need more.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Sparklingwine23 says:
Talk to your brother, does staying in a hotel make him feel like a second class relative? There's your answer.
OP responded:
My brother loves it. He gets to visit with us and then go to a nice quiet room that is set up for his needs. He loves to see us but he likes to visit his friends in our city too. And he sometimes has female companions. Privacy is better. My parents always make it awkward according to him.
snack-scream-repeat says:
NTA. Sounds like your parents are trying to get you to share their shame and guilt. If your brother is pleased with the arrangements you have, and finds your parents overbearing himself, then there you go.
OldManKibbitzer says:
NTA. You don't need to spend a large amount of money for someone that only visits twice a year and stays at a hotel anyway.