'AITA for making it clear that I'm not naming my child after my dad's late wife?'
"AITA for making it absolutely clear my wife and I are not naming our child after my dad's late wife who died a few months ago?"
Economy-Mastodon-105 writes:
Last year, my dad lost his wife of 20 years. A few weeks after her death, my wife and I learned we were expecting our first child. My dad saw this as a gift from his wife, and he and my half-siblings (all in their teens) expected me to name my child after her, either as a first or middle name. My dad even argued that we could still use a masculine version of the name if we had a boy.
This was not something I ever intended to do, and I told my dad we weren't considering her name or any similar names for our child. My dad told me that made no sense, given the timing of everything.
My wife and I pulled back from him and my half-siblings over this. Their anger over the decision has been strong, and my dad has been trying like hell to convince me otherwise. He doesn't know the sex of the baby, but I know the name will bother him.
We decided to honor my late mom in a less direct way by naming our daughter after a flower that was my mom's favorite. My dad will pick up on it immediately, and I know it will bother him that I chose to honor my mom over his wife.
So I decided to come in firmly, make it clear, and leave no room for doubt that my wife and I are not choosing his wife's name or anything connected to her. I told him this is not up for discussion or debate anymore, and the decision is final. And that the signs he and my half-siblings saw to make it make sense were not shared by me.
In my mind, she had three kids, so one of them can name a future child after her. But she was not my mother, and I was not too fond of her. That's simply it. Her death changed nothing for me regarding that, and she's not someone I would want to name my child after.
Ever since I came out and spoke clearly, I can see the anger in my dad and half-siblings has intensified. They haven't told me directly, but they rant about me to other relatives, and they have said I'm an insensitive a^*#ole. My dad even ranted to relatives about the length of time she was in my life vs. my mom, and how disgusting it is that I wouldn't honor that.
He does not know that we've chosen a name that ties to my mom. This is just him ranting. But I want to know if people think I'm the TA for being so firm about this or for outright rejecting the idea. AITA?
Here are some of the responses to OP's post.
AlwaysHelpful22 writes:
Your dad and half-siblings are way out of line. They are not somehow privileged to make demands on the name of your child. They are ridiculous AHs, you are not.
kindaright-ish says:
I'm guessing your mum died when you were young, so your dads/half siblings saying she was in your life longer is ridiculous cause its not like your mum just decided to up and leave, or you had a choice is who your dad's next wife was.
They can be mad all they like. This is no one else's business or decision except yours and your wife's. They can look for signs elsewhere. They can name any children they have after her. NTA.
Cute-Profession9983 says:
NTA of course. But your dad is if he thinks his wife is more important to you than your GD mom!
OP responded:
He does and it's made me question more than ever how bad his and my mom's marriage was or if he had some big issues with her. To minimize the fact she was my mom regardless of his wife being in my life longer just screams that to me.