'AITA for not paying for the cost of my plate at a wedding that I won't be attending?'
"AITA for not paying for a wedding I’m not attending?"
ptothedubs writes:
I (30F) started a relationship with Joe (31M) in the middle of May this year. Shortly after we began dating, he asked me to be his plus-one to his friend Meg’s wedding. I have never met Meg, but I agreed to go. We RSVPed, and Joe booked plane tickets and a hotel room.
A couple of days ago, I ended the relationship with Joe. While money was not the main reason for the breakup, it was one of the things we argued about most. I am very frugal, perhaps to a fault, and Joe likes to spend money on creature comforts and trips, often expecting me to do the same. Joe lives at home rent-free, while I have my own apartment. I live paycheck to paycheck with only a small amount in savings.
There are still about five weeks until the wedding. I ended the relationship partly because I did not want to be in the wedding photos and cause people to feel bad when they looked back at them.
I am returning everything Joe left at my apartment, except for a few things he said I could keep. I also offered to pay for my plane ticket and my half of the hotel stay as a good-faith gesture. This comes to over $400, which is almost everything I have in savings.
Today, Joe contacted me and asked if I could pay another $125 on top of that to offset Meg’s costs for my plate and other reception expenses. He said that because the wedding is so close and deposits have been paid to vendors, I should cover my portion.
I believe that more than a month’s notice is enough time for Meg to fill the seat or for Joe to find another plus-one, who would also be benefitting from my paying half of the hotel stay. I also think that if I would not have had to pay that money while attending, I should not have to pay it now that I am not going.
My understanding is that when someone cannot attend a wedding after RSVPing, it is simply one of those unavoidable costs, and I am at least giving Meg the courtesy of over a month’s notice. AITA?
Here are some of the comments from the post.
EmceeSuzy says:
NTA. You should pay for the cost of your flight and nothing more. This fellow will still need the hotel room and the bride and groom absolutely can remove you from the count. You dated this man for all of 12 minutes. When he decided to invite a brand new girlfriend to a wedding, he knew that he was taking a chance that it would not work out.
No_Preparation_8975 says:
NTA, Joe's scamming you. I got married last year and vendors required a final tally like...two or three weeks in advance, not more than a month out. If Joe is truly worried about offsetting Meg's costs, he'll let her know that you're not coming and she'll just adjust her spreadsheets, no big deal.
quotidian_qt says:
I don't think you should have paid for half the hotel. They're his friends and he's going anyway.
False_Appointment_24 says:
NTA. I wouldn't pay the $400, either. The plane ticket, sure, that's in your name. But with five weeks, he could certainly change the hotel if he can't afford it all on his own.