'AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's portion of a vacation after she quit her job?'
"AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend's portion of a vacation after she quit her job without telling me?"
sairas_kailan writes:
Me (29M) and my girlfriend “Sarah” (27F) have been in a relationship for about two years. We had talked about taking a big holiday together, and in January decided we’d spend a week in Greece this summer. The total cost was going to be around $4,000 per person, including flights, lodging, and activities.
When we booked everything in February, Sarah had a stable job at a marketing firm. We agreed we’d each pay our own way, and I put both our flights and the hotel on my credit card to earn points, with the understanding that she’d Venmo me her half before the trip.
Fast forward to last month. Two weeks ago, she casually told me that she had resigned from her job. I was surprised because she hadn’t talked to me about it beforehand. When I asked why, she said she was burnt out and needed to take care of herself. I understand burnout, but she doesn’t have another job lined up and no clear plan for what comes next.
The trip is three weeks away, and yesterday she told me she couldn’t afford to pay me right now. She said I should just “cover it this one time” since I make more money than she does (I’m a software engineer). She promised to pay me back eventually but couldn’t give a timeline. She also said that if I really cared about her, I wouldn’t “make this about money.”
I told her that wasn’t acceptable. I’m not a bank, and $4,000 is a lot of money to just cover, especially since we had agreed on how to split it. I said that if she couldn’t afford her share, maybe we should postpone the trip until she was in a more stable situation. She got upset and said I was “punishing her for taking care of her mental health.”
I told her it was irresponsible to quit without having something else lined up, especially knowing we had already committed to an expensive vacation. She started crying and said I wasn’t being supportive. She also pointed out that I lived in her apartment for three months rent-free last year after my lease expired, which is true, although I did all the grocery shopping and cooked most nights.
My mom thinks Sarah is using her mental health as an excuse to make me feel guilty. Sarah’s best friend messaged me saying I’m being cruel and that Sarah is going through a hard time. Sarah also implied that if I don’t pay for the trip, I’m showing that I don’t see a future with her and we might as well break up.
I feel bad because I do care about her and don’t want her to feel unsupported. But this is a lot of money, and she didn’t even discuss it with me beforehand. The flights are nonrefundable, so I can’t get that money back either. AITA for not wanting to pay for her share of the vacation?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TheFightingQuaker says:
Imagine if you married her lmao. NTA, leave her please for your own sake.
dbtl87 says:
NTA. Go ahead and break up, then.
Poptart4u2 says:
This is really unfair! Absolutely cancel the trip until she gets another job. But first, if this is out of character, is it possible she got let go or laid off and is embarrassed to tell you?
FrenchToastedArt says:
NTA go on the vacay alone or find a friend/family member who can pay their way. Then honestly, I would tell her she should be moved out by the time you're back.