'AITA for not agreeing to pick up my niece at 3 AM no questions asked?'
"AITA for not agreeing to pick up my niece at 3 AM no questions asked?"
WeaknessHefty3927 says:
My sister had her friend over, and they were in the lounge with my sister’s child, who is 13. I am not sure of the exact conversation before I went in, but I heard the friend, Julie, tell my niece, Sam, that if she ever needed to be picked up from somewhere, it did not matter where, when, or why, she would be there.
She said Sam could call her at 3 AM from the boonies and she would show up in her pajamas with McDonald’s, no questions asked. The boonies is local lingo for an abandoned factory complex where questionable things happen, about forty minutes out of town.
Sam thought this was amazing and was praising Julie, who said it was nothing and that anyone would do the same. They then seemed to notice I was there, and Julie asked me if I would do the same.
I said no, which seemed to stop everyone in their tracks, so I clarified that yes, I would pick her up, but there would absolutely be questions. I said it would be crazy not to have questions.
Sam said I was not allowed to ask questions and that it was none of my business. Julie was glaring at me and muttering something under her breath to my sister that I could not hear.
I explained my reasoning. The boonies are more than half an hour away, and there is no public transport that goes there. If Sam were at the boonies at 3 AM, setting aside the fact that she should not be there, she would not have gone alone. That means there would be another child involved. She also does not have any friends old enough to drive yet, so someone would have had to take them there.
Because of that, I would need to know that she was safe and unharmed and, at a minimum, who she went with, how she got there, and where her friend was. If her friend went home with whoever brought them, then I would take Sam home. If her friend was still there, then we would be staying until that friend was in the back seat and on the way home as well.
Sam got really huffy and said it was still none of my business, especially who she would have gone there with. Julie commented that it was not that deep. I said that it was that deep and that I know how Sam operates.
If I agreed to a no questions asked approach, picked her up, and then asked questions later, she would fly off the rails and accuse me of backstabbing her, which she has done in other situations before.
Julie then started going on about how I was implying she was irresponsible and that she was just trying to have Sam’s back. She said I was being a buzzkill and a nag and that they never should have included me in the conversation.
I could have said more because I truly think Julie was in the wrong. I understand the sentiment, but who tells a 13 year old there would be no questions for being in the worst possible place at 3 AM?
I left with the parting comment that I would pick Sam up if she needed me and that she did not need to question that. I also said it is my responsibility as an adult to make sure everyone is safe, including her and her friends.
Now I have been bombarded by people on social media, and some in real life, telling me I am a terrible person for not agreeing to save my niece when she is in trouble. They say I am never going to be the fun aunt or have my niece’s trust again.
Some people are on the fence but think I am more wrong than right and that I got hung up on one extreme scenario when it was just meant to be a general I will be there for you statement. Kids are literal, especially Sam. I honestly do not see how I am in the wrong, but so many adults think I am, so I am looking for second opinions from people who are disconnected from the situation. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Agile_Meeting_612 says:
My mom always said I could phone her whenever and wherever and she’d drop everything to come fetch me if I needed it. Especially when drunk and alone. She never said there wouldn’t be questions but she promised I wouldn’t get into trouble for calling or asking and that she wouldn’t make me feel guilty that I had asked.
Top-Bit85 says:
The mother is trying too hard to be cool. The "there at 3 AM with MacDonald's" gave it away. I bet that kid doesn't get much discipline in general.
Unhappy_Energy_741 says:
NTA. Don't ask a hypothetical question if you can't handle a hypothetical answer.
Wankyudo says:
They literally expect you to drive out to an abandoned factory at 3 AM. Yes, there's going to be questions. Like why the hell am I awake at a factory at 3 AM? NTA.