"AITA for refusing to praise my friend for buying a skirt for his Halloween costume?"
"AITA for refusing to praise my friend for buying a skirt?"
Are_Pretty_Great writes:
This happened last night over text. The conversation is over, but I’m still annoyed. My friend decided to dress up as a goth girl for a Halloween party. For this, he bought a plain black skirt. He sent me a picture, and I replied that it looked short because it looked short. He said it was supposed to be short, and then later said it wasn’t actually short, just a few centimeters above the knees.
He got annoyed with me for focusing on “details,” which I considered the only noteworthy thing about the skirt, instead of being impressed that he bought a skirt. Since he doesn’t normally wear skirts, and still won’t because it’s just a costume and not a personal expression milestone, he said it made him feel insecure and that he had to suppress his masculinity to go into the women’s section.
I wasn’t impressed. It’s 2025, not 1950. It’s not even the first time he has dressed up as a girl, and he owns much more interesting things like a wig, some pieces of armor, and elf ears.
He didn’t like my neutral reaction and said that calling the skirt short, which wasn’t even true since the photo just made it look that way, was picking at flaws and made him feel insecure.
He didn’t make the skirt; he bought it. The only requirements were that it be a skirt, or even a skort, and that it fit. He did a fine job buying one, but that is not exactly difficult. He thinks I’m downplaying something he cares about, but I wasn’t.
This was my genuine reaction. I’m simply not impressed by a plain black skirt with no interesting color, pattern, or shape. I also own a skirt, and mine is better. It’s red, long, and flowy, and it could double as a picnic blanket.
After about an hour of back and forth, I ended up saying “good job” just to move on. He definitely knew I didn’t mean it. I don’t think I was wrong. I feel that if buying the skirt made him feel that bad, he shouldn’t have done it, or he should have dealt with his insecurity instead of looking for praise from me for buying a basic item of clothing.
Where I might have been the AH is in how I handled it. I could have just validated his feelings and moved on instead of spending an hour arguing about a skirt. Because while I didn’t care about the skirt, he clearly did. Was I the AH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CorrectAdhesiveness9 says:
Is it possible that he’s looking for acceptance from you because it IS a self-expression milestone, as you call it? You’re NTA either way, because you’re not a mind-reader, and you’re also not required to be impressed by a plain black skirt, but just consider what I’ve said in case it’s true.
oddity-on-holiday says:
Soft YTA. From your description, it doesn’t seem like he was expecting a parade for his skirt. You don’t have to be impressed, that wasn’t the point of it. You could have just bare minimum shared his enthusiasm with a simple ‘looks great!’ Or whatever. Sounds like you really took the long way around to avoid saying something nice.
ineffectualdemon says:
YTA because if I was buying a skirt for a costume and showed it to a friend and they just replied "it's short" it would feel like criticism and dismissive. It's not about needing praise for buying a skirt but it sounds like you resent him for dressing up as women for costumes and are resenting this costume in particular.
Schezzi says:
NTA. It sounds like he didn't want friendly interest in his costume - he wanted admiration for his astonishing bravery in buying an item of traditionally women's clothing, and is offended you didn't consider him as daring and outrageous as his ego thinks he is. Hopefully he gets some perspective soon.