'AITA for not starting any traditions with my step and half-siblings for my mom?'
"AITA for not starting any traditions with my step and half siblings like my mom wants me to?"
Keeniannon writes:
My parents divorced when I (16M) was 2. I split my time evenly between both houses, 7 days with my dad and 7 days with my mom. At my dad's house it’s him, me, and my paternal grandparents. At my mom's house it’s her, her husband (since I was 7), my stepbrother who is 6 years younger than me, and my two half-siblings who are 9 and 11 years younger than me.
I don’t like my mom’s husband, which is why I call him that instead of my stepdad. There’s drama there, but I need to explain the background first. My dad got my mom’s husband fired years ago. It was so long ago that it happened before my mom even met him. They were work rivals and my mom’s husband sabotaged a project my dad was working on.
My dad reported that and some other things he knew about him, which led to him losing his job. I don’t know what the other things were. My mom’s husband held a grudge ever since, and when he found out my dad was my dad, he was even more petty about it.
He used to ask me if I realized my dad was a snake and what it was like having a snitch for a dad. He told me he would teach me the ways of the world better than my dad could. In public settings, like at my school plays, he’d try to make me choose him over my dad. I never did, which really annoyed him, so he would make more comments about my dad.
I never liked having him around. Even though my mom sees his son as her own because she raised him, I never saw him as my brother. When my half-siblings were born, I never felt especially attached or close to them either.
I don’t hate any of them, but I don’t really care that we’re not close. My mom tried to make it happen by organizing fun outings or setting up sibling traditions, but I only went along because it wasn’t important to me.
Things were different at my dad’s house because I loved our little family. Living with him and my grandparents is the best. They’ve made it a priority to teach me things like cooking, baking, sewing, DIY projects, and more.
We have our own traditions too. For birthdays, the other three bake lots of treats and cook the birthday person’s three favorite meals. We have cartoon movie night every Friday I’m there. I help my grandma meal prep on Sundays, which has become our thing. We use her label maker, cook, and bake together for hours.
My grandpa and I have been fixing up the old shed in the backyard for months, and we take on projects like that together. There are other traditions too. I don’t talk about any of it at my mom’s house because I know her husband would make comments, and I worry my mom would try to copy it with my step and half-siblings.
A couple of months ago, my dad and I won a local cooking contest. My mom saw it on social media and asked me when I learned to cook like that and why my dad and I would enter something like that together. I told her we just did.
She watched the mini interview video and asked why I never brought any of that to her house. She asked why I had traditions I enjoyed but didn’t share them with my step and half-siblings. Then she asked me to start some with them since she knew I wasn’t interested in the ones she tried to set up.
I didn’t. She waited a month before bringing it up again, and I told her I didn’t want to start any traditions with them. She asked me why and said it could just be me and them, and it didn’t have to involve her husband if he was the reason.
She said she hates feeling like there’s no relationship between me and them, and she thought starting something small would be a good bonding experience. She suggested something as simple as teaching them how to bake.
I still didn’t. Before I left her house last week, she told me she didn’t know what to do about me anymore because I wasn’t making any effort. She said all it would take is something small and a few hours a month. She told me starting traditions in families is important and that I never treat my step and half-siblings like we’re family. AITA?
OP responded to some comments.
HoodooEnby says:
NTA. It's not your job to build her family! If there are no traditions she could start them. More than anything, she could have protected you from her husband's pettiness!
OP responded:
She has tried but she knows I was never into them. So she was hoping I'd start stuff I'd invest into. But I don't want stuff with them. I don't feel that bond or even care about bonding with them.
bythebrook88 says:
OP is sixteen, spends half his time at his mom's, and she has no idea he can cook? Stellar parenting there! I also don't like that she's not protecting her son from her husband. He hates OP's dad and is projecting that hate onto OP.
OP responded:
She knew I could do very basic stuff but nothing like what I can actually do. I didn't want her to know because I didn't want it to become a thing I could do for them. A part of me knew mom would do this and it turns out I was right. She hasn't liked dad since the divorce so she doesn't think it's a big deal for me to be around her husband's hate for him and the attempts to turn me against dad.