'AITA for not taking my ex-wife to the ER because she has friends who can do it?'
"AITA for refusing to take my ex-wife to the ER?"
Birgit_Kraft writes:
This incident occurred a decade ago, but it recently came up in conversation with my oldest son, who was 7 at the time. While I believed I was justified in the moment, over the years I have come to the conclusion that I am not proud of my actions that day. My son maintains that I did the right thing.
Six months prior to the incident, my wife and I had agreed to divorce after her extra-marital activities came to light. We agreed on everything except who would keep the house. I told her that unless she took over the mortgage and utilities, I would not be leaving.
Two months prior, when it was evident that I was staying put, she made a play to remove me from the home and had me served with a two-week TRO. Caught off guard, I rented a room with a coworker in the neighborhood and hired a lawyer.
I followed all the rules, went to court, answered all of the judge's questions, and the TRO was revoked. After three weeks I was back in my house, and she was angrier than ever. I'm including this background only because it explains my combative state of mind during the event.
Two weeks prior, I took my kids out of state to visit family for Christmas and New Year's. I asked Amy, my soon-to-be ex-wife, to shovel the walk and porch stairs while we were away. She didn't, and upon our return there were two inches of ice on the stairs and sidewalk.
The day after we returned, Amy had arranged to meet up with someone from Craigslist to buy a piece of furniture for the house she had rented. She was going with her friend Lisa, who had also set up a Craigslist purchase of her own. When Lisa pulled into the driveway, Amy hurriedly ran out the door, slipped on the icy porch steps, and landed on a ceramic planter, cutting her hand open.
It wasn't a life-or-death situation, but there was blood and she did need stitches. She came back in, freaking out. I told her to go wrap it up and have Lisa take her to the ER. Meanwhile, Lisa had come up to the door to see what the commotion was about. I told Lisa that she needed to take Amy to the ER.
Lisa said she wasn't going to blow off her Craigslist meetup and that I should take her. I said that ER visits weren't part of my role anymore. Lisa accused me of acting petty. I sarcastically asked her why she would want to leave her friend dependent on me. Ultimately, Lisa left for her meetup, and I packed up the kids and dropped off Amy at the ER. I let her find her own way home.
If you had asked me the next day, I would have said I acted righteously and that Lisa should have stepped up for her friend. With the clarity of time, I feel that I should have swallowed my pride and better demonstrated for my kids how a father should act. We owned only manual cars, and her injury would have made her unable to shift gears.
Here are some of the comments from OP's post.
DCpurpleTart33 says:
LOL lay WHAT on you?! You did what you were asked, albeit begrudgingly (totally allowed) and went on your way. She set herself up for that. NTA. When someone cheats on you, a divorce is granted and a marriage is terminated- any obligations are nixed. You can be nice, be civil, but be for you and your kids... she has Lisa.
WabbitCZEN says:
So your ex wife refused to clear the walkway and her friend needed a trip to the ER because of it. You're NTA, but your ex sure as hell is.
CommanderCosgrove says:
NTA...But NTA just covers what you're not, with no indication of what you are. The older, wiser version of you has realized what it takes to be good.
mpurdey12 says:
NTA. That being said, I think that Lisa was a sh^%@y friend and a sh&#$y person.