'AITA for not paying for an all out vacation for my girlfriend because I save money?'
"AITA for saying no to taking my girlfriend on holiday (vacation)?"
Glum_Muscle_565 writes:
I (30F) have been with my partner (28F) for 4 years. We’ve had what I thought was a fun relationship, usually taking one or sometimes two holidays a year. They’ve been modest trips; the longest was 10 days in Croatia. My brother had a destination wedding once, and my father paid for both of us to travel and stay there.
There’s a difference in how much we earn and in our backgrounds. She grew up on a council estate, while I grew up comfortable but with a deep fear of spending money. I scrimp and save and only spend when I really need to.
She spent most of her 20s in higher education, earning her bachelor’s and then a master’s. She only recently started a salaried job, earning around £28k, while I earn £40k. (I’ve been on a salary since 2019, and she only started in 2023.) We split bills proportionally, with me paying more, because I know it wouldn’t be fair for her to contribute the same as me and not be able to save.
I’ve always been proactive with finances, opening a LISA, moving money into accounts with good interest rates, and generally teaching myself through YouTube and Reddit. She’s resisted the advice I’ve tried to give her about managing money.
Earlier this year, we bought a house. To be clear, I paid the entire deposit and all the additional costs; she was only able to contribute £200 for the survey, which I appreciated because it was what she could manage. Now I’m focused on rebuilding the savings I used for the deposit, so I can put money back toward the future and my pension.
She has recently said she wants us to go on a big, blowout holiday. I’ve been transparent about how much money I have, and she wants me to pay for the entire trip, saying, “You have the money, and you won’t miss it.”
I told her I would miss it, because I just spent a huge amount on a deposit and I want to rebuild that savings. I’d like to be able to retire comfortably, maybe even early. She didn’t like that and thinks I’m being selfish.
I just want her to take some responsibility for her own finances, make better choices, and understand that I’m not stingy. I’ve made sacrifices and gone without things because I would prefer to save, but I don’t think she sees that. It feels like she thinks she’s entitled to my savings because we’re together.
I want us to have a nice, fun, comfortable life, which we already do, but I don’t want to blow thousands on a “trip of a lifetime” when most people do those kinds of trips in their mid-40s, once they’re in a better financial position. AITA for not taking her on this holiday?
Here are the comments from OP's post.
BlondDee1970 says:
NTA. The fact that she feels so entitled to your savings to blow on a vacation is giving red flags. You may not be financially compatible long term.
Either_Management813 says:
NTA. The year you buy a house is a year where holiday trips are either short and inexpensive or where you turn them into DIY time and work on the house. A big blow out vacation is for another time.
If this is a trip you also want in the future, the two of you can figure out what that trip would be. Then come up with a rough budget and decide proportionally the same way you split the rent and utilities that each of you pay that amount and save towards it.
MmeMerteuil says:
NTA. Please tell me she doesn’t co-own the house with you.
Ornery-Process says:
NTA- it’s a bit of a red flag that she feels entitled to your money. If your finances are already set proportionally for housing and expenses then the same should apply to vacations. Money is one of the biggest reasons marriage fails so it’s really important that you both are able to come to an understanding about finances in all aspects of your life otherwise it will lead to some serious resentments.