'AITA for refusing to take my husband back after he left me for another woman?'
"AITA for refusing to take my husband back after he left me for another woman, even though he says he made the biggest mistake of his life?"
Actual-Jicama-9814 writes:
I (31F) have been married to my husband (33M) for 7 years. We had what I thought was a good marriage. We traveled together, had weekly date nights, did everything together, and supported each other through most things.
The only real struggle we faced was trying to have a child. We spent years going through tests, treatments, and endless disappointments, which was emotionally exhausting for both of us. I sometimes blamed myself for not being able to give him the family we both wanted, but he always reassured me that he loved me no matter what.
Then, out of nowhere three months ago, he told me he needed space and moved out. Two weeks later, I found out through a mutual friend that he was actually living with another woman, someone from his gym. At first, I thought maybe he had fallen in love and that I should just let him go.
But then I learned who she really was. This woman had a reputation in town for hard partying. She had been arrested twice, had crashed her car while driving under the influence, and had lost custody of her own child. My husband knew all this but still chose her. I am assuming he was doing everything she was doing.
I was completely crushed. Then he stopped answering my calls and stopped paying bills, even though we were splitting them. Meanwhile, I was dealing with panic attacks, insomnia, and a health scare completely on my own. Eventually, I moved out of our marital home, started therapy, and tried to build a better life for myself.
Fast forward to last month, his relationship with her blew up. She got arrested again, apparently stole money from him, and trashed his car during a big fight. He came crawling back, crying at my door.
He said he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he let temptation ruin a perfect marriage, and that he is a changed man. He begged me to forgive him and even brought my mom into it, asking her to convince me. He said countless times that he would end himself if he could not be with me.
And here is the twist. I do not hate him. Quite the opposite, I still love him. He was the nicest person anybody could ever meet. He cared about me a lot. I am not talking about normal love, but a mutual love. I made a lot of mistakes, and he tried his best to keep our relationship going. My mom thinks I should forgive him because marriage means working through hard times.
My dad said, “He didn’t come back because he loves you. He came back because he has nowhere else to go.” Now some of our old friends are calling me cold for not even considering reconciliation, saying people make mistakes.
But I just cannot imagine going back to a man who abandoned me when I needed him most and chose someone who brought chaos into his entire life. He said something that stuck in my mind: “All I wanted was a baby.” I cannot get over that to this day.
He still shows up at my door, stays until morning, cries all night, then leaves, apologizing over and over. I have not called the police or anything, even though he made terrible decisions. He is not someone who would harm me in any way, but I feel awful for not taking him in. I am confused and still trying my best to keep my life together. Tell me please, AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Chance_Loss_1424 says:
Hell no. Tell your dad he’s awesome and right. Tell your mom you don’t have to put up with this and deserve better. Don’t tell your ex anything except maybe to go away. NTA.
PSBFAN1991 says:
NTA He FAFO. Do not take him back. Maybe the fertility issues were on him. Good luck in moving on.
DogMomPhoebe619 says:
NTA. Call the cops next time he shows up. File for divorce. You deserve better. Keep telling yourself that. It's none of your mother's business.
Primary-Delivery737 says:
Do NOT take him back. Your dad is right. Your mom and friends are idiots. Move on. You are his back up plan.