'AITA for refusing to translate for my parents because my brother is their favorite?'
"AITA for refusing to translate for my parents after my brother moved back in and took over my role in the house?"
nina_daltry writes:
I (19F) am the only one in my family who is fully fluent in English. My parents immigrated when I was a baby, and my older brother (22M) moved back to our home country when he was 10 to be raised by our grandparents. He recently moved back in with us after 12 years abroad.
For most of my life, I’ve been the one handling everything for my parents: filling out forms, translating at appointments, reading legal documents, talking to banks, scheduling anything. I’ve done this since I was about 11. It was exhausting, but I didn’t question it because I knew they needed help.
Since my brother came back, things changed. He speaks decent English now, not perfect, but enough to help. Except… he doesn’t. He just acts like he’s too good for it. And somehow, my parents treat him like the golden child. They dote on him, praise him constantly, and now they only speak to me when they need something.
A week ago, they asked me to take time off work to translate at an immigration appointment for my mom. I said I couldn’t, because I had a shift I couldn’t miss, and I suggested they ask my brother instead. My mom said, “He’s not used to this stuff. It’s easier with you.”
I snapped a little and said, “Yeah, because I’ve been forced to do it for years.” I told them I was tired of being treated like a tool just because I happen to speak English better, especially now that they have another adult child living here. My dad told me I was being ungrateful and that “family helps without complaining.”
Since then, they’ve been cold. My brother said I was being “dramatic” and that it’s not his fault they trust me more. But it’s not about trust, it’s that they’ve never even asked him. I’ve missed school, work, and social events to translate for them. He’s been here three months and hasn’t lifted a finger.
Now I feel guilty. I don’t want to abandon them, but I also don’t want to keep carrying this alone just because I was born here and he wasn’t. AITA for refusing to be their translator anymore?
OP responded to some comments.
Champi_Feuille says:
"family helps without complaining" Oh sweet, your brother can do it then. NTA obviously.
OP responded:
That's exactly what I said. If family helps without complaining, then my brother can start doing it too. But my dad always says "it's not the same with your brother, he's not used to this stuff" like that justifies why he does nothing so yeah its all on me.
DCpurpleTart33 says:
Definitely NTA. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you are very happy to help, if you are available. You will not be taking off work or missing important events but if you're free, you look forward to assisting. If they have a problem with this, they can go ahead and be cold. You just need to be prepared for their reaction.
OP resopnded:
Yeah, that's exactly how I'm trying to handle it now. I wanted to help when I can, but I also have my own life and responsabilities. I've missed a lot already and honestly, it's frustrating that they expect me to drop everything every single time. If they get upset, that's on them, I can't keep burning out trying to be their full-time translator and assistant. I just wish my brother would step up too.