'AITA for ordering weird things to get my MIL to stop opening my packages?'
"AITA for ordering weird things in delivery to embarrass my MIL"
youranonymoushater writes:
My MIL is visiting our country. She has been here for six months and will stay another six before she becomes her other daughter’s headache. My girlfriend and I have been planning to get married. Her mom is here to help us manage, and naturally, we keep ordering a lot of stuff.
Most of the things we order are random household items, nothing private, but I just find it weird that she opens my packages. She also opens her own daughter’s (my girlfriend’s) packages.
I asked my girlfriend why she does that, and she said, “1. My mom thinks we’re all women here, nothing to hide. 2. It’s mostly kitchen stuff and she manages the kitchen now, so she thinks it’s hers. 3. Whatever she needs, we order for her, so it comes in our name. She checks if it’s hers, and if it’s not, she keeps it in our room.”
None of these reasons made sense to me. She’s home when the delivery comes, so there’s no need to open the packages right away. Let me get home, check them, and if it’s hers, I’ll hand it to her myself.
To handle this, I told her not to open packages because we need unboxing videos in case of damages. That didn’t stop her. She opened another package, saying, “I thought it was the mosquito repellent I asked for.” The repellent is a long, big can, but the package was a small jewelry-sized box.
To deal with this, I started ordering weird stuff, strange masks, handcuffs, and today I finally ordered a pretty weird intimate object. I’m sure she was dead embarrassed when she saw it.
I found it hilarious. She didn’t say anything and just left it in my room. I told my friends about it, and when my girlfriend came home, I told her too. Needless to say, she was not happy. She said I shouldn’t have embarrassed her mom like that, especially since we don’t even use what I ordered, and that I had humiliated her.
Very quickly the conversation turned into how I’m making her mom feel unwelcome, that she’s a widow and alone, and that we should be more caring and hospitable toward her. Now my girlfriend is really upset. Maybe I went too far, but honestly, she shouldn’t have touched my packages in the first place. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BambooRaccoon13 says:
Let me say be the first to say it - NTA, but you have a GF problem, not a MIL problem. You came up with a silly/slightly passive aggressive response to this situation that has been bothering you. OK. But now what?
You are allowed to have preferences and boundaries, and “Hey if packages are addressed to me, I will be the one to open them” is perfectly reasonable. But if you say that repeatedly, and are ignored, then your GF needs to have your back and not make excuses for her mom. If GF can’t understand that, you need to insist on couples counseling before the wedding.
DogsReadingBooks says:
ESH. Your MIL for continuing to open packages after being told not to. You for intentionally trying to embarrass your MIL. Your girlfriend for not putting her foot down with her own mom.
AnastatiaMcGill says:
Your GF is in the wrong. She needs to set boundaries now. If she lives away and is staying with you for months at a time, firm boundaries need to be in place. You think opening packages is bad? Wait until you have children. Your GF should be telling your mom, in whatever way she's comfortable, that your packages should not be open.
RoyallyOakie says:
INFO...was there no talk about house rules or boundaries before the mother arrived? Her daughter is the one encouraging her behavior.
OP responded:
Well there wasn't a specific rule discussion. It is common in our culture for the parents to stay with kids after their SO has passed away.