'AITA for denying a woman another date after discovering she's 4 months pregnant?'
"AITA for refusing to date a pregnant woman?"
Fighting_Wind6542 says:
I (27M) have been working with Richard (31M), a colleague of mine. He’s been trying to set me up with his family friend, Sara (28F), and I agreed to go on a date with her. On the date, I thought she was really fun, and we seemed to be pretty compatible. We had a good time, and I was actually looking forward to seeing her again.
But during the second date, Sara mentioned that she’s pregnant. She’s about four months along, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I took a long time to process it and didn’t know how to reply.
Personally, I didn’t know that people expecting a child still went on dates, both men and women. I always thought the baby would be their priority for at least two years. Maybe I’m out of touch, but I’m not judging them.
That said, I just don’t want to date someone with a child. Not because of some spicy reason—I just don’t want to be a stepfather. If I scold my own kid, they’d be upset, but if I say something to someone else’s, there’s a high chance of hearing, “You’re not my father.”
And then there’s the whole situation with the baby’s father—real dad, fake dad, drama I don’t want to be part of. Honestly, I don’t think I could love someone else’s child like my own.
So, I tried to stay calm during the date. I didn’t know how to react or how to say it to her, but by the end, when she asked when we could meet again, I had to be honest and told her that I didn’t want to continue the relationship because I don’t see myself taking on the huge responsibility of being a stepfather.
Afterward, Richard was furious with me. He told me that Sara had been cheated on by her husband, and during the divorce, she found out she was pregnant. She didn’t want to keep the baby because she didn’t want to raise it alone, but all her friends, including Richard, persuaded her to keep it, saying that there are plenty of good guys out there who would step up. Richard then told me that the first “good guy” he thought of was me.
He said I was the only one she liked among the guys they set her up with. She was clearly upset about being rejected, though she didn’t say anything to him, but it was obvious she was sad. At that point, I was frustrated. I didn’t even know she was pregnant before the date, and now I’m being pushed into this situation.
I told Richard that while I feel bad for Sara, it’s not my responsibility to fix her situation. I’m still figuring things out, and I’m not ready to be with someone who’s pregnant. It’s sad, but it’s just not something I want to take on.
After that, I started noticing my colleagues giving me the cold shoulder. Ben (28M), one of them, told me that Richard had been telling people I “almost caused a pregnant woman to lose her child” because of my behavior. I set the record straight with Ben, and now he’s suggesting I take this to HR because of how Richard is portraying me. So, AITA for not wanting to date a pregnant woman?
Here are the top rated comments.
Melodic_Policy765 says:
Since Richard has brought the workplace into it, I would bring in HR. I am shocked that he set you knowing she was pregnant and didn't tell you. As you said, it isn't your responsibility to fix the situation.
riley_bliss says:
NTA. Dating isn’t a charity program, and agreeing to a date doesn’t mean you signed up for stepdad boot camp. You were honest, respectful, and didn’t lead her on that’s more than a lot of people would do.
Richard needs to chill with the hero complex and stop trying to recruit you for a role you never auditioned for. Taking this to HR might not be a bad move if your workplace is turning into a soap opera over your personal boundaries.
One-Chipmunk3386 says:
NTA Richard willfully withheld important information to try to persuade you into being an unwilling father figure to her baby. I would go to HR.
Petefriend86 says:
NTA. You do not have to date anyone you don't want to, and certainly aren't obligated to start a family with someone on a first date. I'm with Ben on taking the matter to HR as you're now working at a hostile environment.