'My parents gave me a cheap wedding citing 'COVID' but my sister is getting a big one, AITA?'
"AITA for refusing to go to my sisters wedding because I never got my dream wedding?"
Ill_Weird_8322 writes:
All while growing up, my parents would talk up me (F) and my sister's wedding. They said that their wedding was by far one of the best days of their lives, and they wanted to be able to give that to their kids. So all this time growing up, they had binders and savings accounts purely to plan our dream weddings, no matter the cost, we could enact our visions.
Fast forward to last year: when my now-wife and I got engaged and I came to my parents to begin planning the wedding, they sat me down and explained that COVID and the economy in recent years had disrupted the business quite badly, and things weren’t looking great. They said they wouldn’t be able to afford it. I was heartbroken, but I understood, and we instead had a low-key affair.
Fast forward to yesterday. After my little sister got engaged, my family, my wife, and her fiancé went out to celebrate, and the topic of the wedding came up. My mum pulled out the binder and started talking up her wedding, describing all the extravagant things they would do. I didn’t say anything, but I slowly started to realize that it didn’t really make sense that they could afford her wedding and not mine.
When we got home, I confronted my mum, and she dodged the question, saying, “Maybe it’s for the best you had a more intimate wedding, considering the circumstances.” I asked what that meant, and she shrugged me off.
When my sister approached me to ask if I’d like to be her maid of honor, I flat-out told her that I wasn’t going to her wedding and explained why. She got upset and told me that I was making her day about me and needed to grow up. And honestly, at this point, I do really feel like a d^#k, and now she refuses to speak to me. AITA???
OP added some extra context.
People are telling me to add that my sister refused to be my maid of honor because she didn’t feel comfortable, which is important to the context. For those wondering, I have now flat-out asked my mum if it's because I’m gay that I didn’t get the wedding.
She told me not to play the “gay card” and said that if I’m not adult enough to understand that they simply couldn’t at the time, then maybe they shouldn’t leave the family business to me. My sister also said she felt uncomfortable with the idea of managing my big day with me already upset.
Here are the top comments from the post.
PreviousPin597 says:
Fully NTA that your parents refused to give you your dream wedding, and shame on your sister for glossing over that part just because SHE'S getting hers.
literacyshmiteracy says:
Sorry you had to find out this way, but your whole family are bigots. Your parents didn’t fully approve of your marriage, that’s why they wouldn’t follow through with the lifelong planning they had hyped up to you. And your sister refused to be your MOH because she also didn’t approve of you having a wife. NTA, solely because I think you’re going to have a lot of unpacking to do here.
IAmTAAlways says:
NTA. "Considering the circumstances" means that your mother didn't want to fund a wedding that her friends and family disagreed with.
cementfeatheredbird says:
NTA. I disagree with all the comments saying your sister has done nothing wrong. I'm sure your sister knew VERY well why your parents didn't pay for your wedding. I also bet that she knew when they denied you, that your funds would be transferred to her when the time came.