'AITA for refusing to let my wife's parents move in with us after they lost their home?'
"AITA for refusing to let my wife's parents move in with us after they lost their house?"
My wife and I have been married for ten years and have two kids, ages 8 and 5. We own a small three-bedroom house. It’s quite tight, but it works for our family. My wife’s parents aren’t doing so well. They’ve borrowed money from us here and there in the past, usually small amounts that they never paid back. They’ve been living in a rental, but they were evicted last month for not paying rent and now they have nowhere to go.
My wife asked if they could stay with us for a few months until they get back on their feet, and I said no. I told her I feel for them, but our house is too small. The kids share a room, and we have one bathroom. Adding two more adults would be chaos.
She said they could take the living room, and I said that’s not fair to the kids, who need their space. I also reminded her about her parents’ history with money. I asked what happens when a few months turns into a year. What happens if they never leave?
She got upset, and that’s understandable. She’s all her parents have in a situation like this. I said I’m not comfortable having two grown adults sleeping on our couch indefinitely, not even if it were my own parents.
She asked if they could stay just two weeks to figure things out, but I’m still not comfortable with that. Two weeks can easily turn into two months, and we all know it. I told her we could help them look for apartments and help with a security deposit, but they can’t live here.
Now my wife is barely speaking to me, as if she feels she has to choose between me and her parents. She thinks I’m cold and don’t care about her family. Her sister lives alone in a single room. Maybe that’s not an option for them. I understand that, but our space is just too small.
I honestly feel bad for them. I really do. But I also feel like I’m the only one thinking clearly here. Our house is small. Our kids need their routine. And I don’t trust her parents to actually leave once they’re in. Am I being a jerk here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
taragood says:
NTA - they are grown ups who can and should manage their own lives. I realized a long time ago that the people I felt bad for and was always helping, are twice my age. I work hard and I live below my means and I save my money. It is not my fault they decided to yolo. I feel a lot less stress now because I no longer take on others people stress for them.
LawrenceSpiveyR says:
Unless there is more info, YTA. It sucks but if there really isn't any alternatives, you have to let them stay with you.
Dry_Prompt3182 says:
ESH. Your wife is being unreasonable. You don't have the space for an extra set of adults. You are being unreasonable because you aren't coming up with things that you can do to help your in-laws not be homeless. Helping with a security deposit is nice, but where are they going to stay while looking for a place. Neither of you are also looking at the main issue: why aren't they paying rent?
JeremieLamonet says:
Your wife is barely speaking to you because you'd let her parent be homeless for your own comfort and you're wondering if YTA? I think you are.