'AITA for refusing to repair my relationship with my mother so I could know my half siblings?'
"AITA for refusing to try and repair the relationship with my mom and her husband so I could know my half siblings?"
Kylurunnz writes:
My dad died when I (18M) was 9. When I was 11 my mom brought home a guy and told me they were engaged. He told me he was looking forward to being my dad and getting to know his first son. My response was "you'll never be my dad," followed by telling them I wasn't ever going to let them pretend he's my dad.
My mom told me I should give it a shot and she was marrying him regardless of what I wanted and he would be my new dad. Her (now) husband told me I'd see their reasons for not giving me a choice in time and I told him I wasn't going to listen to him. I even told him to leave me alone and that he couldn't ever talk to me again.
They laughed it off, but I refused to acknowledge him whenever he came over. Four months after Mom brought him home for the first time, she told me he wasn't going to accept such disrespect from me. She told me I needed to lose the attitude and I told her he'll never be my dad.
So I was sent to my paternal grandparents. My mom tried to make me give in so it wouldn't happen, but I told her I was never going to accept him and that she was replacing Dad and never really loved him. Mom tried telling me it wasn't fair. I said that if she loved Dad she'd never force me to call someone else Dad.
I spent the rest of my childhood being raised by my paternal grandparents and I still live with them. My mom and I didn't really have contact after that. She invited me to the wedding but I didn't go, and I never called, texted, or tried to see her.
She has two kids with her husband now. She texted me to say she was pregnant and offered for me to come and meet the babies, but I always said no. I also told her not to send me photos because I didn't care.
When I was 16, Mom told me she expected my mind would change. But I guess it didn't happen like she expected because she told me she hates this distance between us and I should know the kids. I told her I don't care about her kids and I don't want anything to do with her new family. She said that's grief talking.
I told her it was disgust and disappointment in her, and disdain for the man she married who thought he could replace a kid's dead dad. I told her they should be happy together because I was never going to let them forget my dad if I was in their lives, and I would never let them forget I'm not his kid.
A week after I told her all that, she told me she had set up an appointment for the three of us with a therapist. She sent me the date and time and asked me to please come and work on our relationship and save our family.
She said even if I can never forgive the two of them, I could at least work on figuring out how to be the brother her kids need. She said surely I want to be a brother to them. I answered with one word: no.
I didn't attend the appointment, and she called and called afterward and eventually texted me that she finds me really cruel. She said her kids never asked for this and that I should want her to be happy and glad she could build herself back after Dad.
I told her she knew what the problem was and she was ignoring it, but I never would. When she tried to say I could have two dads and her husband just wanted to make me feel loved, I told her her husband didn’t matter to me. I told her at least the two of them could take comfort in how easy they'd be to replace if they die. AITA?
Here are the top comments from the post.
Perfect-Eye2155 says:
NTA. Being called dad by you was more important than respecting your 'no'. He wanted you to call him dad so badly that he sent you to away and your mother allowed it. You're well justified in your anger. You don't owe them or their kids anything. I bet your mum didn't care about you until the kids started asking questions. Go no contact completely and live your life.
bythebrook88 says:
What about the mother that OP needed? OP's brothers have two parents, that's two more than OP!
OP responded:
She looks at it as I gave her no choice. But they gave me none either.
Bitter_Animator2514 says:
NTA. It’s all her and her needs and wants. When did she stop and actually put you first in any of this? Reads like your better off being out of them playing controlling blended family.