'AITA for wanting to leave my brother's side after he woke up from a coma?'
"AITA for wanting to leave my brother's side after he woke up from a coma?"
Hi would I (29F) be the AH for wanting to go home after spending a little over 2 months by my brother’s (45M) side at the hospital? So my brother got really sick to the point where we thought he was going to die. Thankfully he did not, he is doing much better now. For 5 of those weeks he was heavily sedated so he was asleep 100% of the time.
He’s been awake for 3 weeks now and he cannot move much. Due to him being in bed for so long he has lost a lot of muscle mass, and can barely move so right now he is completely dependent on us (me and my mom) and hospital staff for anything.
He is going to need a lot of physical therapy, Dr said he’s looking at about a year of it before he can be normal again.
Ok so since I have been here for 2 months and since my brother has woken up he is very needy, (of course cuz he can’t really move on his own rn) and also he’s mean to. He is disrespectful towards me when all I do is help him.
Mind you we have 3 other siblings who can pull the weight more but don’t. I have mentioned to them several times I am tired. Being around my brother and helping him is exhausting. I am at the hospital for 12 hours because he doesn’t want to be alone.
Our mother is here the other 12 hours. While he was asleep it wasn’t as tiring but now that he is awake, every 5 seconds he needs something.
He is frustrated, sad, and angry (I try to understand and be empathetic because he is NPO except ice chips and he’s a big guy ~350 lbs, so he’s starving and thirsty but he is getting nutrition and hydration thru a feeding tube).
And he has lost quite a bit of pounds he was over 400 lbs when he entered the hospital. He’s been hospitalized since January.
Anyways I want to go home (I live in Oregon and came done to California to be here). My brother is going to be fine, he is no longer in danger of dying anymore. He needs a lot of rehabilitation and well I want to go back home. I miss my dogs and my boyfriend and my job.
I know me leaving, all my family is going to be mad at me but like they can come and also do shifts like how me and my mom are doing it to keep him sane. But they choose not to. Anyways would I be the AH for wanting to go back home after being here for 2 months?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. This is something that is the long haul. You cannot put your life on hold forever and you are not your brother's caretaker. He may be unhappy, but you cannot be expected to do this forever.
The people who are mad at you for leaving WILL lash out because it means they may need to actually do something. Let them. You're not in the wrong.
NTA. Sitting at the hospital with a loved one is exhausting even when you're "not really doing anything". I've been there. Your brother needs the help of experts. You're not physically able to help him much and he's not motivated to try to help himself.
Go home, recharge. Maybe, only maybe, will you have the energy, physically and emotionally, not to mention financially, to be able to help at some future point. Don't worry about what others say or think about you. They'll think badly no matter what you do as it's likely their nature.
I agree with your comment . . . except for "he's not motivated to try to help himself." What makes you say that? He literally can't move yet, can't even eat.
I think someone who snaps at people who are trying to help them in the hospital are people who aren't motivated to help themselves. Even if you literally can't move, you CAN speak to people nicely. If you can't be bothered to do that much then you won't bother to do the harder work either.
I don't think that's true. Sometimes one cannot do things for themselves and the frustration takes over. Doesn't mean they don't want to get better. If you've never had a chronic, issue, you don't know how debilitating it can get. Consider yourself lucky.
For OP.....go home. Get your life back in order. Others can pick up the slack. They will criticize you because, as mentioned, they will now need to step in. Also, your brother will need to go to rehab. Not sure of the plan or timeframe for that.