'I’m talking to a guy, we have chemistry, but he’s not my type in appearance. Can you get over that?' MAJOR UPDATE

"I’m talking to a guy, we have great chemistry, but he’s not my type at all in appearance. Can you get over that?"

So I’ve been off the dating/flirting industry for a few months, just because I was tired of meeting people that I was not excited about. So I decided to focus on me for a while. During the holidays there were many parties and many acquaintances due to common friend groups etc.

There were 2-3 people who showed interest but I wasn't in the mood to put any energy into it, so somehow they didn't move on and I was okay. But there was one guy, who I hadn't noticed, because I wasn't interested in him in appearance.

I'll be perfectly honest so you understand what I'm saying. I'm not judging, and I mean to say that my weight is not normal (it's a little below normal), which made me attractive to people who like that specific body type.

I don't like it either, but I'm trying to gain weight (and yes it's as serious a problem as those trying to lose.) The guy I'm talking to is well above normal weight. We are just the opposite in appearance. BUT we had such nice conversations, he's smart and most of all I laugh a lot. The conversation flows easily, I don't put energy into it.

He started flirting with great humor, he makes it easy for me to re-send a message and start a conversation without much energy and thought. IN GENERAL HE MAKES IT VERY EASY FOR ME AND I LAUGH A LOT. But I feel like there hasn't been anything sensual in my mind so far. He’s very handsome in my eyes but I haven’t thought of him as “$#xy”

Do you think this is changing? He is the only person so far that our communication is so pleasant, but I don't know if it makes sense to go ahead, or to date him. Has your perspective on this ever changed? Did your perspective on $#xiness ever changed?

The internet had a lot of thoughts about OP's situation.

gb997 wrote:

I feel like I'm missing something. I always assumed “chemistry” meant that it specifically included sexual attraction, and without that factor, then you just get along well. ?

OP responded:

Chemistry for me is what you get naturally. It just clicks. It can be mentally, it can be physically or emotionally.I have had sexual chemistry before with no mental connection. That was A form of chemistry.

Never met the full chemistry package tho.

BrilliantMatter0 wrote:

You have nothing to lose, OP. Why not give it a try? Worst case scenario, it fizzles out. Best case scenario, it could develop into something!

OP responded:

You sound exactly like my best friends, who btw liked him very much! ? That’s probably what I’m gonna do!

lovelycapital wrote:

If you plan on being with anyone with an extended period of time their appearance will change a lot. Sometimes, dramatically so. The item of concern should be whether his appearance is evidence of bad habits that will cause problems in the relationship. Lacking that, you should date him and permit yourself to love him. At that point, physical intimacy becomes relevant.

Danaheartsssss wrote:

Personally, I got past looks when I was blindly in love, but once that faded, I realized I wasn’t attracted to him anymore, and that ended the relationship. So, I do believe looks matter. I think you should stay friends and see where it goes naturally, without forcing anything. Maybe he is better as a friend if you’re not attracted to him.

OP responded:

Was it that bad tho? I mean you were blindly in love with him for a while. It faded but you have spent an amount of time with someone you really adored!

Prometheus2025 wrote:

OP. You're in the front seat of this decision. Anyone who claims to care about you better prove it when they show you support for what you decide to do. It is possible to view someone differently yes. Attractive to unattractive, unattractive to attractive even well before you're an official couple.

Before moving forward please consider other reservations you may have as well. If you decide to agree to move forward I would recommend that you two consistently focus on maintaining a "healthy and balanced relationship."

Six weeks later, OP shared an update.

An update I made a month and a half ago. I got a lot of useful advice and opinions so I decided to go out with the guy who was overweight and I didn't know if this would cause an obstacle to my attraction toward him. The first date was perfect. He put so much energy into it that I decided to go out for a second one.

There he kissed me and the truth is that I felt very nice but the attraction had not yet clearly developed. After a few dates the physical chemistry started. We eventually hooked up and while the first time was very nice I didn't feel any "fireworks."

However my main criteria was how much he was making me laugh and that made me wanting to see him all the time. A month later things have come a long way. We are getting physical 2-3 times a day...so attraction is definitely there, we are having a good time and we have both agreed that it's not just physical and we want to start a relationship.

I feel safe, seen, that I am cared for and that things can be enthusiastic and pleasant, without drama, without crying, without negativity. I think about what I would have missed if I hadn't gone on that date.

So yes, if I can answer the question I asked almost 2 months ago, YES... physical attraction can be created and you don't have to feel it from the first minute. Just give the time and space to people they make you feel nice. You never know.. For now I feel so happy like I've hit the jackpot on dating.

The internet was happy to hear the update.

Medical_Tutor_7749 wrote:

Don't ever tell him that you thought he was ugly. Don't even give the slightest hint.

OP responded:

Never said he was ugly. Actually I thought he was very handsome from the moment I saw him. I just didn’t feel any physical attraction from the beginning and was scared that I won’t overcome this. Well…definitely got past this!

[deleted] wrote:

I might be part of the minority for saying this but it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself for liking this guy. I mean, you can probably find the same compatibility with a guy you're actually into instead of trying to actively convince yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this online.

Whatever your decision is, it's only a matter of time until someone else catches your eye and you'll have doubts. And then you'll convince yourself whether you actually like this guy or give the new one a chance. If the fireworks aren't there, no biggie. It doesn't make you a bad person. Personally, I wouldn't pursue something with someone I don't like that way no matter what effort they make. Waste of time.

OP responded:

Actually I couldn’t find this compatibility with anyone else. That’s the point. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had a doubt. It was very clear I didn’t want to date anyone, he just clicked. I was just scared that attraction would not have developed as I didn’t feel it the night we met.

But as one of my friend said, THANK GOD I DIDN'T WANT TO JUMP ON HIM THE MOMENT I SAW HIM. That would have destroyed everything ??

PS When you invest in people, do you really leave just because someone caught your eye?

statisdresssweet wrote:

Being safe, seen, and cared for is so important. Many wander around relationships without experiencing any of those three qualities.