'AITA for telling my friend to leave her husband if he won't get his ADHD in order?'
"AITA for telling my friend to leave her husband if he won’t get his ADHD in order?"
throwra_bustout writes:
Where they live, there is a speed camera on their road. They moved in 18 months ago, and in that time, he has been caught six times by the same camera. It’s a 30 mph road, and each time he was doing around 35 mph.
The first time, he did a speed awareness course, so he got no points. After that, he got three points each time. When he was on nine points and got another one, she took the blame for it, but then a month later, he got caught again and is now banned.
This has had a big impact on her life because she now has to take him to work, pick him up, and do all the errands they usually share. She also has to drop the dog off at daycare every day and pick him up.
There are plenty of other things he does too. He’s constantly leaving his car keys on the roof of his car, forgetting not just to lock the front door but even to close it, which has caused the dog to escape a few times. He constantly misses appointments, half-finishes chores, starts jobs and tasks without completing them, and so on.
She broke down crying to me the other day, saying she feels run down. He’s refusing to go to the doctor and said he had medication when he was younger but didn’t like it, so he won’t go back on it. I told her she can’t keep living this way.
If he’s going to refuse to help himself, why should she have to carry the burden and spend her whole day working and running around after him? I said she needs to tell him to get help or she should leave.
Well, she told him what I said, and now he won’t leave me alone. He’s calling me ableist and saying I told her that people with ADHD don’t deserve happiness. I’ll be honest, I snapped back and said that people who treat others badly and blame their ADHD don’t deserve happiness.
I told him he’s not getting treatment because it’s easier to have her act like a servant than it is to take responsibility for himself. He said I don’t understand how hard things are for him because of his illness and that I need to have more sympathy.
I just hung up on him at that point. I don’t feel like I’m the asshole, but two friends have told me I am. One even agreed with him and said I’m being ableist and not taking ADHD seriously. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
atterysquash says:
You know what the best way to take ADHD seriously is? To get it treated. NTA.
StrangerCharacter53 says:
NTA, he's excusing himself from accountability and ruining both their lives. ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior. He doesn't have dementia. He knew he was speeding, and he just didn't care.
OP responded:
I feel so sorry for her she’s up at 4 am and not getting to bed until midnight. The other night she was out looking for the dog at 2 am because he went outside for fresh air and left the door open when he came back in and let the dog out. He’s never even sorry just says “I can’t help it”.
highwayher0 says:
NTA, he's just a bad dude. Using a bad excuse, IMO, coming from a guy with ADHD not on meds.