'AITA for being ungrateful that my mother shaved her own head in solidarity with me?'
"AITA for being ungrateful that my mother shaved her own head in solidarity with my looks?"
Hi everyone, for some background, I (18 M) have had health problems my whole life. One of my biggest struggles is that I am disfigured and very unattractive. I have vented about this before, but it affects me a lot. I am very self-conscious and avoid going outside, so I don’t have many friends.
Because of this, I spend a lot of time with my family, although a part of me resents it. I’m 18, and I should be partying and living my life. My twin brother is embarrassed to even be seen shopping with the family, yet I don’t really have a choice. It’s honestly so embarrassing. It might sound silly, but hopefully anyone my age who reads this will understand.
My mother is very supportive of me, maybe excessively so. I have overheard her saying that she doesn’t really have a life outside of taking care of me. When I was younger, people would stare, laugh, or flinch when they saw me, and she would always say something.
It could be embarrassing, but I appreciated it. I’m not sure why, but this sort of thing happens less often now that I’m older. Still, I know she would do the same today. But recently, I feel like she has crossed a line.
I recently had to shave my head and go bald. I don’t want to talk about why, but it’s not cancer related. Last week, I walked downstairs to the kitchen and found that she was also bald. She didn’t say anything, she just did it.
I’ll explain why I’m upset. It’s so embarrassing. All it does is draw even more attention to us when we go out. The worst part is that my dad is also bald, so together we look like some strange bald family cult or something.
It makes me feel like I’m being pushed into this box where it’s just me, my mom, and my dad forever. My brother is obviously staying as far away from us as possible, and it reminds me that he can escape from this situation, but I can’t.
I told my mom I’m not going out with her while she looks like that. We got into a big argument, and she called me ungrateful. I eventually told her that she looked ugly, and she replied, “So do you,” but then tried to cover it up by saying, “When you’re mean, you’re ugly. Your words are ugly.”
Now I’m refusing to talk to her or go anywhere with her. My dad even suggested that I apologize. They’re saying I started the argument, but in my view, it’s her fault for going behind my back and shaving her head without telling me.
Here's what people had to say:
Too_Shy_To_Say_Hi says:
Honestly, NTA for feeling the way you do. But a bit the AH for what you said. Don’t call her ugly. I hope you can explain again calmly sometime how you feel. It seems like she really is making her whole identity around you/your condition and lost sight of what can help. You both need your own identity. And I hope you can find ways to live your life with less frustration.
iosefster says:
ESH but just a little bit. Your mom was just trying to help and it's very hard to want to help someone that you really care about but that you really can't do anything to help. You never really know what to do in that situation and sometimes you mess up.
She messed up but it came from a place of caring. And you're going through so much that it's expected you'll lose your cool from time to time. However, you were mean to her, and she was mean to you. I hope you can make up.
Important_Camera9345 says:
NAH. Yes, your mom should have talked to you before she did it. That being said, she was truly just trying to be supportive. You also probably took things a little too far by refusing to go outside with her. That being said, your feelings do not, and can not, make you a bad person.
daffydjb says:
NTA. I get why you’re embarrassed she went too far, and it’s okay to protect your own comfort.