'AITA for immediately ending the relationship when she said that she wants a child?'
"AITA for immediately ending the relationship when she said that she wants a child?"
Together 4 years. Late 20s. Going in, we both initially agreed to not have kids. I had a procedure so that I cannot have kids recently. She recently sat me down and said that she wished I had waited to get the procedure because she's been contemplating wanting a child for a few months.
This basically led to an argument, mostly me saying that I felt betrayed, we both initially agreed to not have kids, etc. She should have told me the moment she started contemplating it.
She said that she's allowed to change her mind, but I said that I don't have to accept it. She said that we can talk in a few days, but I said that she only wants to talk to try to change my mind. Even if she accepted that I didn't want them, she'd resent me. I left before she could say anything else.
Four years down the drain. We don't live together (thankfully). I'm sad and mad because I really love her. But, there's no way I'd be comfortable even touching her when she wants a kid and I don't. Why can't people make up their minds in the beginning? What's funny is that this is the second ex to do this to me. The first lasted only 6 months. Stop assuming your partner will change their mind. Jesus.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TvManiac5 said:
Look at the silver lining. You've had the procedure now. That means you can lead new relationships by telling them you can't have kids from the getgo. There will be no hope of changing your mind like that.
BlatantEgg4314 said:
NTA. I know it sucks and I'm sorry. But I invite you to try to let go of the "4 years down the drain" narrative. Feel sad and mad and wallow and grieve as you need, then thank your stars you didn't get married before finding this out.
As Dan Savage (who I recommend you read and/or listen to his podcast) says, "every relationship fails. Every single one. Until the one that doesn't." Grieve, rage, whatever, then brush yourself off and move forward. Peace.
TheWacoFogey said:
NTA for being frustrated, at least. You two want different things, so it's best to go separate ways. But it's not unusual that people change their minds about this issue, so she's not an AH either for that.
ATXoxoxo said:
NTA. However expecting all people to never change or grow differently is unrealistic.
Head_Trick_9932 said:
NTA. It stinks it ended but better to find out before marriage and still in your 20’s. I had a long term, 8 year relationship and engagement in my 20’s too. Wasn’t sure if I wanted kids after that dumpster fire. Met my husband at 30 and had 2 kids now almost grown. You’re on different paths and that’s ok. You’ll find yours.
Choice-Marsupial-127 said:
NAH. She’s allowed to change her mind. You’re allowed to be sad. Getting mad doesn’t serve either of you well.