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In-law tells waitress of 10+ years, 'I have money because I put in the work.' AITA?

In-law tells waitress of 10+ years, 'I have money because I put in the work.' AITA?


AITA for telling ex-SIL the reason I have money and she doesn’t is because I put in the work?

This is a bit complicated. My brother married, Mia in Vegas. Their marriage wasn’t planned and was a drunk mistake according to my brother. It lasted a year and they divorced.

Overall easy divorce since they both agreed to go there separate ways but she was pregnant during the divorce. This was years ago and my nephew is 11. He lives with his dad more often than not since SIL is struggling financially.

She works as a waitress and has an apartment in a bad area. Nephew stays with dad since he owns a home in a good area and they have a nice school. Personally I’m not a huge fan of her since all she does it complain about being poor.

We all accommodate and give extra so she can go to family outing. She also does nothing to help herself, she could have gone to trade or community college, looked for better jobs but she has been a waitress at the same restaurant for ten years.

In all I am over hearing it. She was going on yesterday about how broke she is and how lucky I am that I got a good job. She made it seems like I didn’t work for my job and the gods dropped it in my hand.

I had enough and told her the only reason I have money and she doesn’t is due to putting in work that she could bother to do. She got mad and called me a jerk and left. Brother is a little annoyed with me also.


My family was dirt poor. I put myself through school. My brother is very involved since he was born and he has his son most of the time. We went to the same high-school. Yes I know it’s hard, but it’s been ten years.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

RB1327 said:

ESH, Everyone Sucks Here. She shouldn't have resorted to name-calling. But you seem overly "into" your brother's ex's life, there's no real need for you to be interacting with her enough to even get annoyed. You can enjoy a relationship with your brother and nephew without her.

Gonebabythoughts said:

YTA. I don’t know what is really at the root of your ungracious behavior towards Mia, but I suspect it has to do with you looking down on her socioeconomic status. You low key call her poor trash a few different ways in this post, in addition to openly begrudging the “extra accommodations” you are making so that she can be included in family events. (Does this really cost you anything, other than the bile you have to choke back in her presence??)

You said Mia has worked at the same place for 10 years. Is that not deserving of some respect? That’s a lot longer than many people stay in a job. Would she be able to keep it for that long if she was really lazy?

Or does she maybe lack the confidence to try to do something more with herself? Or maybe has learning disability? I doubt you’ve taken the time to know her well enough to understand exactly why she is doing what she is doing, or no doing.

You really are a jerk; an elitist jerk who can’t hold in her contempt for an hour on the limited occasions you have to see the mother of your nephew.

Princessmeanyface said:

Nta…I’m not saying she’s like this but since she harps on it all the time I suspect it’s the case. My mom when she wants something she will sit there and whine about not having it repeatedly.

IN HOPES that some one will feel sorry for her and help her out with whatever it is. Money/food/gas etc. it really sounds like this is the case with her. You obviously know she doesn’t have money because you have to pitch in for her to attend these events. She is either digging for attention or wants you to feel bad and shell out money to her.

MissKittyBeatrix said:

NTA. You were honest and she couldn’t handle it. She knows she puts in no effort, so it obviously struck a nerve.

Sure-Acadia-4376 said:

NTA. She sounds like the type who wants to play “pity party” and feel sorry for herself. The minute someone gives her a practical and realistic solution to her problems she comes up with an excuse. I know because I used to be like this…

Throwra98787564 said:

What you did was not a good idea. This is someone your brother is trying to co-parent with. If you can't handle talking to her, then walk away. I'm going to say YTA here just because you are making your brother's life harder because your ego got a little bruised.

Creating a less welcoming environment for your nephew to have both his mom and dad around is not worth it. Maybe you should talk to waitresses on how to handle unpleasant people in a more professional way.

The opinions were fairly divided for this one. What's your advice for this family?

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