'AITA for making my in-laws choose b/w me and my SIL after she made a fake dating profile of me?' UPDATED

"AITA for making my in-laws choose between me and their other daughter-in-law after she shared fake screenshots of me?"

Right before I was about to leave for my M&FIL house I got a phone call from my husband, husband was extremely upset and asked me if I had left for his parents yet. I said no and he told me he needed to make me aware of a situation, a few hours before his father called him and shared with him screenshots of a dating app profile containing my name and photos.

Before I could say anything my husband reassured me he knew it was fake. A few things that tipped him off.

1.) Screenshots from the profile said “less than a mile away” when referring to the distance of the user.

2.) It was my SIL who found the account. My straight, female, and married SIL just randomly decided to go on bumble and somehow fell upon my profile even though we live over 100 miles apart.

When I got to M&FIL's house FIL rushed out to talk to me, he told me I had every right to be upset but asked me to be the bigger person and not cause any more unnecessary drama.

When I got to SIL, initially she denied everything but after about 2 minutes she couldn’t keep her story straight. Instead of apologizing she just started bawling her eyes out, she blamed the whole thing on pregnancy hormones and tried to play it off as a joke.

My M&FIL both pulled me outside to try and get me to calm down. I asked them why they were taking her side they told me there were no sides and they were just trying to keep the peace.

After they said that I lost it and told them keeping the peace it’s just an excuse used by enablers. I told them that they had a very important decision to make, if they choose to standby SIL they will lose me as consequence.

They told me they were afraid to lose their grandchild and I responded with “You're going to lose a set of grandchildren, either way, it’s either going to be the ones in front of you now or the future grandchildren me and husband will have.” My husband and I are on the same page and we have both agreed to cut contact with his family unless some kind of just consequence for SIL happens.

Edit with more info.:

Husband is currently 12 months into an 18 month deployment for the military. I feel like I need to clarify the family relations. I am not biologically related to anyone in this post. I am married to my husband who is biological related to his brother. BIL is married to SIL FIL & MIL have two biological sons and two daughter-in-law‘s (myself and sister-in-law)

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Sel-Reddit said:

NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t take over your mind, make you download and create a fake dating profile and ‘frame’ your SIL. That took sustained effort culminating in it being shown to your husband. She tried to ruin your marriage.

How are your in-laws defending this? As your husband wasn’t there, if location services weren’t on - how would you have proven your innocence? She lied when cornered and tried to use emotional manipulation to excuse it.

OP responded:

They insist they are not taking sides. They simply want everyone to get along and move past this.

atkhan007 said:

NTA. Yeah, never heard that pregnancy hormones can cause one to make a profile of someone else on bumble.

Major_Barnacle_2212 said:

I just read your other post and your SIL is trying to sabotage you for some inexplicable reason. It pre-dates the freaking adorable cake. I don’t know what it is but I wouldn’t even ask your parents-in-law to choose. I would duck this family based on their last response to the cake situation.

I’m sorry. I am sure you wanted to be a part of the family during your husband’s deployment but sometimes you’re better with nothing than something rotten. NTA.

And Piper6728 said:

NTA. The in-laws are all assholes, the SIL for not respecting you two and making a joke where they knowingly endanger your marriage. The MIL and FIL are also assholes here since they enable it, (you called it,) any parent who doesn't take action is complicit in my book. I'd go no contact regardless of what they do. Block this toxic family.

She later shared this update:

I would first like to say thank you to everyone who commented and sent me information and tools on how to deal with my situation. I have read all comments multiple times and although I didn’t get back to everyone I tried to take all the information as best I could.

My y husband and I talked about everything that happened between me and his family, after a lot of back-and-forths we couldn’t agree on how to handle the situation so we decided to do couples therapy.

After therapy, we have both decided to completely cut all communication and ties with his brother and SIL. As for his parents, the plan is for me to no longer go and see them or for me to make any active attempt to communicate or be a part of their lives.

If his parents do not attempt to reach out to me for the remainder of my husband‘s deployment (5 months) then we have decided to go no contact with his parents and cut them off completely.

The biggest question I saw in the comments is why does my SIL hate me so much? Here is some more information,

1.) SIL became pregnant after two weeks of dating BIL, SIL and BIL remained unemployed throughout SIL entire pregnancy and lived 100% off of the means of my in-laws. My husband and I are homeowners and both of us are very successful in our independent careers.

2.) SIL has always struggled with what she wants to do with her life, she doesn’t like taking care of her baby but doesn’t want to work. She goes back and forth on these grandiose ideas for a career but doesn’t want to go back to college.

About a year ago my SIL started talking about becoming a realtor, but they couldn’t afford the fees and classes required to do so. I had always toyed with the idea of getting my realtors to license so I told my SIL I would happily pay for her classes, fees, etc and she and I could go through the courses together. After a month my SIL bailed on the idea of becoming a realtor but I finish and got my license.

1.) I am unable to physically have children, I found this out a few years ago, and emotionally I have never recovered. Ever since I found out I refuse to hold or play with any baby, older kids are easier but emotionally I am not mature enough to interact with a baby yet.

I have never held my SIL baby and although I have had conversations with her directly as to my reasons as well as my in-laws they take it very personally. I have this issue with all babies even my sister‘s and best friend's baby. I am currently in counseling.

My husband and I have decided that we are going to start looking for a house in my home state so that way I can be closer to my old friends and my family. And no matter which way things go with his parents we both believe some distances is a good idea.

P.S I have not given up on my cake decorating hobby and since then I have made almost a dozen more cakes for friends and neighbors. Thank you to everyone who gave me the confidence for moving forward and not giving up.