Dad insists in-laws pay up after they take back their childcare promise, 'I just miss working.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my in-laws to help cover childcare cost if they aren’t going to help out?"
I (28M) have been married to my spouse (29F) for about 7 years. We met while we were both in the military so we ended up moving away from spouses hometown across the country. Soon after we decided we would both get out of the military, we found out we were expecting and had our son who is now almost 2. We sat down and tried to decide where we wanted to move to.
There is a specific state that my spouse and I discussed settling in and had been our plan for a while, I had a great job opportunity there with great benefits and there was also great opportunities for my SO as well. Well once we told my in-laws about our plan they were upset that we would not move near them as they wanted to be near their grandchild.
At the time MIL was a stay at home mom/wife as her children were all high school age or older, so she said if we moved there she would watch our child so neither of us would have to cover childcare cost, in these areas childcare ranges from 2-3k a month so we agreed under the impression that would be the plan.(I took a significant pay cut to take them up on this offer).
As soon as we move back, MIL decides she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom anymore and wants to work full time, during the times spouse and I are supposed to be working. We ask if it's a financial issue and she just says, “no but I just miss working." We asked her what we are supposed to do about childcare and she said “well I guess you guys have to put him in daycare."
I was very upset by this as now since I already secured employment my spouse is staying home and not able to work as the cost of childcare, plus their student loans don’t even make it worth working. They are currently in a forbearance period. I told my spouse that we should move or ask the In-laws for help with childcare cost as they went back on their promise. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Lilac_Lui said:
Your in-laws reneged on their promise to provide childcare, leaving you and your spouse in a tough spot. They made a commitment and backed out, leaving you to deal with the consequences. You're right to feel angry and betrayed. NTA.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. Just move away from them. Send them a postcard from your new city.
judgingA-holes said:
NTA - If you just move away. I wouldn't give them an ultimatum though. Just secure you guys a better job out of state and move. When they ask how could you just move away like that? You tell them because the only reason you moved back in the first place was because MIL said she would help with childcare and you took a lower paying job because of it. Since MIL said you had to get daycare then you moved where the money so that you could afford said daycare.
wonderfulkneecap said:
NTA. In a legal sense, your MIL doesn't owe you free childcare, or the money -- she had every right to change her mind! But her promise to help you was the deciding factor in a major life decision. You have the right to ask her to pitch in. She can say 'no.' But given the circumstances, it's reasonable for you to ask!
HeimdallManeuver said:
NTA. Your MIL changed the terms and conditions leaving you free to live wherever you want.
rebootsaresuchapain said:
Just move. Tell them that it’s cheaper and more convenient to live near your family who have offered childcare. NTA.