"AITA for refusing to let my in-laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time?"

So here’s the situation. A couple of years ago, my wife’s (F34) brother (John, M36) and his wife (Sarah, F35) were going through a rough patch and needed a place to stay for a few weeks while they figured things out. My wife, being the caring person she is, asked me (M37) if they could stay with us temporarily, and I agreed because family is family, right?

Well, the "few weeks" turned into nearly four months. During that time, they completely took advantage of our hospitality. John treated our house like it was his own personal man cave, leaving trash everywhere and never helping with chores. Sarah wasn't much better—she kept "borrowing" things from our kitchen and bathroom without asking and never replaced anything.

Our guest room looked like a tornado hit it when they finally left. The worst part? They had two kids (5 and 7 at the time), and while I get that kids can be a handful, they were out of control. They would run through the house at all hours, break things, and scream over every little disagreement. My wife and I repeatedly asked John and Sarah to rein their kids in, but it always fell on deaf ears.

After they moved out, it took us weeks to clean up the mess they left behind, and we even had to replace some broken furniture. My wife apologized, and we agreed that we wouldn’t put ourselves through that again.

Fast forward to now: John and Sarah are once again having issues and asked if they could stay with us "for a little while" while they figure things out (again). My wife immediately said yes, but I put my foot down and said absolutely not.

I reminded her of the disaster that was their last stay and told her I wasn’t willing to go through that again, especially since they hadn’t apologized or acknowledged how badly they treated our home the last time.

My wife is upset, saying I’m being heartless and that family comes first. She thinks I should give them another chance and says I'm overreacting. But I feel like I’m just setting boundaries. We have two kids of our own, and I don’t want them to have to deal with the chaos that John and Sarah always seem to bring.

Now my wife is giving me the cold shoulder, and her family thinks I’m the bad guy for not helping out in "a time of need." So, AITA for refusing to let my in-laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say, plus responses from OP:

loverlyone said:

”Family comes first.” You’re family too, right? Don’t do it. I had a similar situation with a cousin. He left a terrible mess after he left. My partner talked me into letting him back and, 4 years later, I’m still mad about the mess he left and the way we were treated. NTA

OP responded:

well this makes me feel so much more sure of my answer, if it has happened once, it will happen again.

NaughtyBaby92 said:

You are NTA for refusing to let your in-laws stay again after the way they disrespected your home the last time. Setting boundaries, especially after such a negative experience, is perfectly reasonable. John and Sarah not only overstayed their welcome but treated your house carelessly, leaving you with a mess and damaged property. They also ignored your requests to control their kids' behavior.

You gave them a chance before, and they took advantage of your hospitality without acknowledging or apologizing for the trouble they caused. Your refusal now isn’t about being heartless; it's about protecting your home, your sanity, and your children from a repeat of that chaos.

Family may come first, but that doesn’t mean you need to tolerate disrespect in your own home. You're just ensuring your family—including your own kids—has a peaceful, stable environment. Boundaries are healthy, and you're simply protecting your home from another round of unnecessary stress. definitely NTA.

OP responded:

exactly, and my wife doesnt see that somehow. she thinks im being mean when im just trying to protect my house and my family

Disruptorpistol said:

NTA of course. What in the world is wrong with your wife? Does she routinely make decisions that will affect you without consulting you? I can’t imagine being so thoughtless toward my spouse.

OP responded:

she often never consults me about decisions that involve me, that is one of the things that annoys me the most

And Lyzab77 said:

NTA, her family considers you are the bad guy ? Why don't they help ? They can give them money or take them in their house. Not enough place ? One child with mummy in a house, the other with daddy in the other house. Problem solved. Not your problem ! You helped them for 4 months and you received nothing but a disaster ! They were disrespectful and you deserve better.

It's a two yes situation and you said no. So she can't let them come in. Maybe time to take a front door camera if you don't have one, to record what happen in front of your home, if she invites them when you're working... Just in case...

And OP responded:

everyone seems to forget about me letting them in the first time as soon as i refuse the second, they are all so unappreciative.

We'll keep you posted on any updates as the story unfolds!