Wife objects to husband being in delivery room for sister’s childbirth, says it's 'completely inappropriate.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my wife there’s nothing inappropriate about being in the delivery room for my sister and she cannot forbid me from doing it?"
Last week, my sister asked if I could be in delivery room with her when she gives birth. I was surprised with the request and asked about her husband, and she said she and her husband are going through some issues.
She also said her husband freaks out a lot and she wasn’t sure he could handle this. I then asked about our mom, and she said she didn’t want to put any more burden on our mom.
I asked my sister if she was sure about it, and my sister said I was always her first choice, because growing up, she always felt safe and protected with me and knew nothing could go wrong.
She said she would be completely stress free if I was in the room with her. I know pregnancy can be daunting and I told my sister sure, but I wanted to speak to my wife about it. My sister thanked me a lot.
I then spoke to my wife about it, and my wife was shocked with my sister’s request. She said it was completely inappropriate and she’s never once in her life heard of a brother being in the sister’s delivery room. I told my wife there’s nothing inappropriate about it, and my sister is just going through a hard time.
Ultimately, all we want is a smooth pregnancy with no complications, and that can happen in a stress free environment. My wife and I spoke about it some more and I was getting exasperated. I finally told my wife she cannot forbid me from being there for my family. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Ask any labor and delivery nurse, and every single one will tell you that the woman giving birth has the only say on what guests can be in that room (within hospital policy limits on how many people can be in the room). Nurses will physically remove people if the situation calls for it. Does your wife think you’re gunna be staring at her coochie the entire time? Lol. NTA.
NTA, holding your sisters hand while going through a painful and terrifying experience is pretty much the definition of a good brother. Your wife should be so lucky to have a sibling willing to do this and be grateful she has a husband who takes care of his family.
I am not caught up on pregnancy room etiquette but sounds like you're NTA. I can see why your wife might think it a bit weird but sounds like you are just someone your sister can trust. Maybe have your sister talk to your wife about it so she can ease her mind.
Pregnancy room etiquette is pretty much if the lady in labor wants you to be there and you're comfortable with it, you should be there, otherwise stay the eff out. As a lady who just went through it, both my sisters were top choice if my husband couldn't for whatever reason (but he could, thank god).
I don't actually think its okay to ask the sister to talk to the wife - she shouldn't need to justify feeling safe with her brother or OPs wife attacking her for being "inappropriate."
There's nothing sexy or sexual about labor, either. This is entirely OP's wife either being insecure or having different experiences based on HER family. OP can ask her to have more discussion but no, his wife needs to just accept this at face value. Maybe appreciate that OPs sister feels that safe with him.
A quick question: Do you and your wife have children? If not, are you intending to? I'm just wondering if your wife wants your first experience of childbirth to be with her?
Intelligent_Sort7717 (OP)
We don’t have children yet, and we do intend on having children. I never really thought about it like that, and that could be a reason for why my wife doesn’t want me to go. But I cannot not be there for my sister, especially when she’s going through a daunting time like this.
I’m a midwife and had one lady in labour having an ivf baby. No partner. When I went in the room her elderly mum and dad were supporting her. She was stark naked labouring.
Three hours later her brother turned up to support her too. She had a lovely delivery with her brother videoing it. It’s your sisters labour not your wife’s. If she wants you there and your happy to support then go for it.
NTA- I’m honestly really struggling to understand your wife’s perspective on this. While it’s not common it’s not unheard of for a brother to be there to support his sister in birth, there isn’t anything inappropriate about it.
Your sister feels safe with you and you will provide security and comfort to her during birth, you aren’t there to ogle your sister or whatever “inappropriate” idea that’s going through your wife’s mind.
NTA I was in the delivery room for my nephew's birth 36 years ago. The bio dad wasn't in the picture. I was young and a bit weirded out that she wanted me in there because we never got along as kids, but here we are all these years later and I realize that's when we started to be close. My sister needed my support and that was all I needed to know.
Definitely NTA! It's your sister's choice and she specifically asked for you. Plus, it's totally normal and supportive for a brother to be there for his sister. Your wife needs to relax and be more understanding of family dynamics.