'AITA for including all three of my mom's husbands in my child's family tree project?'
"AITA for including all three of my mom's husbands in my child's family tree project?"
My son (8M) had to create a family tree for a school project and I helped him. His grandma (my mom) has been married three times - to my dad for 20 years, "John" for 9 years, and "Jerry" for two years and counting.
My dad, her first husband, passed away long before my son was born. Her second husband "John" was already in the picture when my son was born and was super involved from the start... he loves my son and does so much for him, even now after he and my mom divorced.
My son considers him "grandpa" and my dad is "grandpa in heaven." After my mom and John divorced she married "Jerry", her third husband - he's a nice enough guy but has never liked children and doesn't make any effort to interact with my son.
When we were making the family tree, my son really wanted to include John as a grandpa on his project in addition to my dad. Again, he is the only grandpa he's known in real life and my son loves him dearly.
I said that would be ok, but that we should also include Jerry, since Jerry is my mom's husband now. My son was okay with that and we had a blast finishing the project! Well, my mom came over yesterday and saw the family tree sitting on the counter. She absolutely lost it when she saw that she is attached to three husbands.
I explained that my son wanted John included so I thought it would be best to include Jerry as well, and she started screaming that I should have never done that, that we're trying to make her look bad, and that she can't believe I've represented her this way.
Then she left!
I was shocked and have tried reaching out to her since then but she's refusing to text or call me back. AITA??
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA good for you to acknowledge all "families" look different. Your mom is just mad at herself.
Your mom’s reaction suggests some shame around the multiple marriages. Clearly this touched a nerve but it has nothing to do with you. Just let her throw her tantrum and come back when she is ready. NTA.
And it's kind of a weird reaction anyway. Mother was widowed, remarried again, but it didn't work out, and is currently married to "Jerry". It's not like she's been divorced three times.
NTA. Sorry that she's embarrassed but it is what it is. I can't believe that they still give out this assignment in school.
NTA-it's about your son. not your mom. If he wants to include his grandpa because that's his family then he should be allowed to include his grandpa.
NTA. I think your rationale was reasonable, and it's a kid project that isn't being put in an art gallery so who even cares. Your mom's reaction was over the top. I actually can see her viewpoint, however.
She may feel embarrassed at being on her third marriage, or feel that it has negative connotations and that exposing her marital history to others via a school project was inappropriate.
And while the fact IS that she's been married three times, there is still some societal judgment that goes along with that, not to mention she may have internal feelings of failure, and some sadness that Jerry isn't as close with the kids, etc.
Point being, those feelings are valid and her reaction probably stemmed from surprise at seeing them laid out for her in your son's project. That said, I don't think there was much you could have done differently so I don't think it is E S H.
I wish she could see the positive here, which is that your son has many loving family members and people in his life who care for him, even if a few of those have been introduced through her marriages. :)
NTA. Your mum is the one who married 3 guys so why is she bothered? It isn't like you put her up there with any malice, it is just reality.
Your mum is being ridiculous and if SHE is so ashamed of being married 3 times (which I don't think she needs to be, to each their own) then she should do some self-reflecting. All you and your son did was make an accurate family tree. I have an unusual family dynamic as well and it really is only weird if you make it weird.
NTA. Your child is making their family tree. To your child, those three people are all included in their family. Even if they're not close to your mom's third husband.
Honestly your mom sounds incredibly narcissistic if she thinks your child's school project is about her in any way shape or form, or that this decision was done with malicious intent towards her.
Make her look bad to who? Does she care that badly about what a bunch of nine-year-olds think about her? Most of them are going to be zoning out during the presentation, anyway. They don’t care about her as much as she cares about herself.
NTA. They were all family at some point! My egg donor is on the hunt for husband number 8. I make sure to include all the men when we discuss families. I even told her she better plan/pay for her own tombstone or I will be more than happy do it and will include all 8/9 last names she’s had 😆
NAH. When I saw the title, I actually assumed that shaming her had been your intention. In this scenario, you'd usually just put whoever was relevant and exclude the other two. Since your son requested the additional, it might have made more sense to just have the two that your son wanted.
Since it could probably be anticipated that it DOES look "bad" (based on our judgmental society) that she was married 3 times, if everyone else's trees are neatly connected to 1 or 0 people.