'AITA for informing my sister that I won't babysit for her unless she pays me?'

"AITA for informing my sister that I won't babysit for her unless she pays me?"

So, I (26F) have been baby-sitting for my older sister (32F) fairly frequently. She has two children (3 and 6 years old) and typically asks me to sit them 2 or 3 times a week, generally in the evening or on weekends when she and her husband need to get out or take a break. I don't have children of my own, so I've always agreed but it's beginning to exhaust me.

It's not just babysitting them. I feed them, clean up after them, sometimes even do laundry or help get them up for school the next morning if she does wind up staying out late. She's never so much as offered to compensate me not even once.

At first, I didn't care because, you know, family. But now it feels like she just takes it for granted. She asked me to babysit Friday night and Sunday afternoon last week. I had both afternoons planned, so I said no.

She was upset and informed me that I was being selfish and I should want to spend time with my niece and nephew. I told her that I like the kids fine, but I'm not a volunteer babysitter and I'd really appreciate some kind of reimbursement or at least more notice.

She got upset and informed me I'm putting money ahead of family, and that most sisters would be willing to lend a hand every now and then I explained to her I have been assisting a lot and that I'm not saying no all the time, I need boundaries.

Now my mom says I should have been nicer to it and that I must have offended my sister's feelings. But no one is considering mine. I'm working full-time, and I'd like to have some time for myself as well. So AITA for telling her I won't babysit anymore unless she pays me or at least thanks me?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

kindaright-ish said:

Newsflash for your sister! Parents don't get 2-3 nights a week because they need a break or get out. They get date nights, maybe once or twice a month, IF they are lucky. Not this, at all. Also, her plans are not more important than yours. Its on her to arrange childcare for her plans. Not expect you to cancel yours, which I have a feeling you have done before.

She doesn't want to hire a sitter because 1, she'd have to pay and 2, she couldn't take liberties like staying out late and not doing the morning routine for school the next day. You see the kids plenty. You are their aunt, not their parent. You don't need to spend 2 days a week with them unless you want to. NTA.

kitrose4 said:

NTA she’s taking advantage of you & manipulating the situation to make you feel guilty. I think you’re right to set boundaries. You need to be paid & respected for your time.

Anxious_Yak_136 said:

You're not selfish for putting up boundaries. It also sounds like Mom had decided that her grandkids would be better watched by her. NTA.

TeddyTMI said:

NTA. But drop the money from any future discussions about the issue. Next time she asks you say, "I'm really not comfortable doing that for a while because when I did it for your regularly, out of the goodness of my heart, you began to take me for granted, kept asking for more and more of my time...

And when I tried to set a reasonable boundary on days when I already had plans you were rude to me and tried to turn Mom against me. I'm looking forward to seeing my niece and nephew Labor Day weekend, Thanksgiving and over Christmas break. I might be able to help out a little more again next year."

Nobody else is helping with the kids for free. You're being taken advantage of and your sister is a brat. But giving her the money angle is just that, a gift for her, and it doesn't support your very reasonable reasons for wanting to back off it a bit.

Odd_Welcome7940 said:

All parents who think family trumps everything so they should be able to do whatever they want are shitty parents. Your sister doesn't sound like the exception. Time to cut contact for a bit and let her stand on her own 2 feet with her decisions and life choices. NTA.

arnott said:

NTA. Stop being a doormat and go live your life. Your mom can be your sister's maid.