'Insensitive' woman refuses to fund brother-in-law's trip from joint savings account. AITA?

"AITA for not agreeing with my husband to fund his brother’s trip from our joint savings?"

I (37F) and my husband (38M) have been married for 9 years with 2 kids (8y/o and 1y/o). We are both working and my husband earns more than me. From the start of our marriage, we agreed to keep a joint bank account and a personal bank account. In this way, we are able to share with the responsibilities of covering our family expenses and have our own money for personal needs.

Recently, my BIL (41M) shared the news that his SIL that lives overseas is getting married. Her immediate family in the country has been invited to attend the wedding. Her only sister, my BIL’s wife, is expected to be there. The trip will require a visa and of course, plane tickets.

As we know traveling is a bit expensive. My BIL has to pay for his plane tickets and visa processing as not all the expenses can be covered by his SIL. For this, my BIL is asking (not borrowing) money from my husband to fund his travels.

My husband was planning to give out but he would take it from our joint account and not his personal account. I firmly said no and told him that if he wants to help, he can get money from his personal account and give what he can afford. I also said that if his BIL cannot afford the trip then he shouldn’t be joining. His wife can go with her family to attend the wedding.

My husband is now upset as he said that I said no and even mentioned that I was a bit insensitive, as my family side was never in the situation to ask extra money from us.

I told him that I do help out with my family side’s expenses in case of emergency but I never touch our joint account in helping them. My BIL is still pestering my husband for his “contribution” but my husband is still silent on how much to give. So, AITA in this situation?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

SomeKindofName42 said:

Best monitor that account. Very closely. Partner can always take money out of a joint account without permission. And you have NO recourse for getting it back, because the purpose of a joint account is that both people are allowed to do whatever with it. NTA. Stuff like this needs to come from a personal account, not joint.

SheiB123 said:

NTA. A loan maybe but not an outright gift. Your husband can pay from his own account, not joint if he wants to GIVE the money. WHY does anyone have to 'contribute'?!?

Clean_Factor9673 said:

NTA. It isn't a joint expense. Why isn't SILs family helping them?

Round_Butterfly2091 said:

NTA. Your husband is more than welcome to help his brother on his own dime just like you did with your family. It is wild that he feels entitled to give your joint money away without a fuss.

If he makes more money than you, why doesn't he have enough saved up? If he has enough funds, he's an even bigger AH for wanting to use your shared accounts. Does he have a spending problem?

ACM915 said:

NTA. I can guarantee you that your husband does not have enough money in his personal account to help his brother. That’s why he wants to take it out of the joint account. I would keep a close eye on that joint account money because if his brother guilt him into it, he will take the money out of that account and use it and you’ll never see it again.

Intelligent-Price-39 said:

NTA and how come your BIL can’t put it on his credit card or take out a personal loan from a financial institution?

Accomplished_Pea2556 said:

NTA. If it's coming out of a joint account, it should have been discussed with you before it was ever promised.